FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
TEXAS SUBGENIUS DEVIVAL LOOMS AS PRETENSE FOR FRINGEWARE 5TH ANNIVERSARY IN AUSTIN
DALLAS, TEXAS - August 8, 1997
At
a press conference held here today, officials from the Church of the
SubGenius, in conjunction with an Austin- based media collective and
quasi-militia organization known as FringeWare Inc., have announced
heretofore covert plans to stage a "Devival" in AUSTIN, TEXAS on
SEPTEMBER 13 of this year, beginning at or around 8 PM in a nightclub
known as LA ZONA ROSA. Such events are considered highly illegal and
subject to decisive intervention by the authorities.
"There will
probably be a helluva a lot of inebriated strippers and plenty of
extremely dangerous drugs there," Mr. Paco Nathan, president of
FringeWare Inc., (and an alleged SubGenius), was overheard saying to
some friends during the swank, three-hour press conference with Ivan
Stang and other Church officials held at the Caberet Royale in Dallas
this afternoon.
FringeWare is known to be celebrating its
upcoming 5th anniversary through various terrorist acts, while the
Church is rumored to be eagerly anticipating its first Devival held in
its home state Texas in over 5 years. Also, there have been reports to
the effect that another Austin business, Steve Jackson Games, may be
harboring matters of interest to the secretive SubGenius cult-like
community, possibly to be revealed closer to the announced date of the
event.
Officials from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and
Firearms based in the Texas region have refused comment, but one
undisclosed source close to the BATF claimed that the government had
been tracking such Devival gatherings -- code words for what he termed
as "Riotous Orgies" -- and will probably take the organizers into
custody long before any such disturbance could actually be perpetrated.
Meanwhile, a State Department official noted, off-record, that
the translation of the Spanish phrase "La Zona Rosa" meaning "Red Light
District" would tend to corroborate the allegedly planned act. "We hear
about these things happening," the official remarked, "and we
oftentimes just don't have time to respond, let alone buy tickets."
Tickets for the gathering are rumored to be about 5 bucks, and will be
available at the door just prior to the show.
FringeWare and The
Church of the SubGenius are known to have collaborated on the Survival
Research Laboratories "show" held earlier this year in Austin, where 20
people were killed and 37 members of the audience were arrested in a
brutal knifing incident which resulted from some of the show's
"artistic" content.
Both the Church, which has been featured in
Playboy, Newsweek and Wired and some other little zines, and
FringeWare, which has also been featured in Playboy, Newsweek and Wired
and some other little zines, are widely known to engage is vociferous
anti-authoritarian acts such as Devivals, where participants often
become frenzied, shocked, and touched by the Words of their "god" J. R.
"BOB" Dobbs, as they engage in acts including healings, sickenings,
sacrifices, Public Confessionals, Short Duration Mass Marriages, Time
Control Ceremonies, Record Burnings, and Head Launchings. Various bands
and other performance artists are rumored to be ready to participate in
this unwholesome miasma, including the Church's Sacred Scribe Reverand
Ivan Stang, Rev. Nickie DeathChick, Dr. K'taden Legume, the Lord Jesus
Christ as well as an array of local Austin subversives. Other potential
acts, bands, strippers and other performers HAVE BEEN ENCOURAGED TO
CONTACT FringeWare at the address listed below.
Local
authorities in Austin noted dourly in the wake of today's press
conference that the date of the potential mayhem nearly coincides with
the local fraternity/sorority "Rush Week" held annually at the
University of Texas at Austin and other area institutions. "We fear
that these people are intending to hold some kind of unholy ritutual,
under the guise of 'Rush For "BOB"'," said a member of the City of
Austin planning commission, "and it's just a damn shame how criminals
like this always prey upon our youth."
Jesus, the Church's
business director, also said in a prepared statement today that He
denies any conspiratorial or subversive plot that in any way is
attempting to corrupt the youth or undermine and ridicule the authority
of the One World Government, it's agents, or its prescribed religion.
"There is no reason that any, good, law abiding, Christian, teenager
should avoid coming to this inspirational event... and more especially
those of the female gender." He also added, "The reports of the bloody
head launchings have been greatly exaggerated"