1992 - New Mexico, The Monastery, Dallas

August 1992

30 - Mon - Arrive Santa Fe, New Mexico

31 - Tue - High Road to Taos

September 1992

1 - Wed - Santa Fe, New Mexico - 

- Shelton is separated from Debbie. Dating Anne. Living at Courtney and Jackie's - in the architecture studio beside the house. Debbie is working at Eddie Bauer and going insane. I am staying with her, at the place on Gomez while I am in Santa Fe.

2 - Thu - Santa Fe, New Mexico - Spent the morning with Shelton at a good place called the Aztec Cafe. Walked with him over to where he works, Caxton's Bookstore. Wandered around Santa Fe.

4 - Fri - Santa Fe, New Mexico - Reading Dick's Divine Invasion. Out to Tent Rocks with Debbie, Jackie and Jackson. 

5 - Sat - Santa Fe, New Mexico - Phone calls in the middle of the night from Pilar, hysterical over Leta's infidelities with Scott. Walking along the river path with Shelton, talking of bones and blood. Every poem must end.

6 - Sun - Santa Fe, New Mexico - Aztec Cafe in the early morning. Reading Sexual Personae. Fiesta time in the city. Finding sanctuary in the St. Francis Cathedral. Discover Novalis' Hymn to the Night.

7 - Mon - Santa Fe, New Mexico - Aztec Cafe in the afternoon. Open doorways framing distant mountains. 

8 - Tue - Santa Fe, New Mexico - Shelton and I went to see Bergman's "Good Intentions". A surrender on the part of the priest was disappointing. 

11 - Fri - Santa Fe, New Mexico - Zozobra Burning Man Fiesta 12 - Sat - Santa Fe, New Mexico - Went to Bandelier. Fear seeps out of the stones. 

12 - 

From a letter to Pilar Blaske in "Portrait of a Fool Notebook: 1992":

There is a full moon over Santa Fe tonight, the 12th of September. I am sitting in a Quackenbush type coffee house called the Aztec Cafe. Before me is an open window letting in the burning fragrances of pinon and juniper and sage. Regardless of what Santa Fe is or isn't, it is surrounded by the mystery of the desert. Upon the edges of the city, in the margins, along the borders, something of the truth of this place emerges. [...]

Last night was the beginning of a Fiesta here, sort of a celebration of the cities independence. The whole weekend is one long party. It starts off by the ritual burning of a huge effigy known as Zozobra, Old Man Gloom. While the masses (60,000 people) milled about oohing and ahhing at the fireworks, I stood silent and detached wondering if it all really meant anything to them. It seemed they had all become disconnected from the origin of the burning, from the pagan rythms of sacrifice and ecstasy. They are spectators to the universe, watching themselves grow old on TV, looking for meaning in all the wrong places.[...]

13 - Sun - Santa Fe, New Mexico - Comment that one of the reasons I left Austin was the murder of the four girls at the Yogurt Shop. And that Jorge, the doorman at the Hole in the Wall was shot in face. 

16 - Wed - Santa Fe, New Mexico - My internal compass of being, my spiritual integrity, is thrown off "true" by events that occur around me - events that reflect the evil, the horror, of conscious existence.

20 - Sun - Santa Fe, New Mexico - Walking around the city in a haze. Reading Holy Madness. 
"Those who voyage are not saved."

24 - Thu - The Monastery of Christ in the Desert - 11:20 pm - Finally at the Monastery - where I should have been long ago. 

25 - Fri - The Monastery of Christ in the Desert

26 - Sat - Up in the Hills above the Monastery - 

27 - Sun - Back at the Monastery - With a room.

October 1992

1 - Thu - Santa Fe - Got a ride out of the Monastery with two women from California. On the way, we stopped to see the vandalized Morada of the Penetentes in Abiquiu, a small gallery (Magpie Woman), the Ghost Ranch, the Sanctuario de Chimayo and at lunch in Espanola at Matilda's.

4 - Sun - Santa Fe - Gaelle comes in. Take Debbie's car to Albuquerque to pick her up. 

5 - Mon - Take Gaelle to Santuario de Chimayo. Rio Grande Gorge.

6 - Tue - Tsankawi and Bandelier with Gaelle.

7 - Wed - Leave Santa Fe. Return to Dallas with Gaelle.

8 - Thu - Dallas - 

9 - Fri - 

10 - Sat - Parents return from a trip??? Meet Gaelle.