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1993

January

- 8 - Tower of Babel dream: I don't seem to be in a deep dream state. There were points where I 'felt' as if I were awake and thinking in an ordinary fashion. I was considering landscape painting, especially that of the Chinese, which used negative space in a positive way. I was wondering about specific examples in Western Art and struck upon Leonardo's Mona Lisa - the background. The phrase, "The world behind the Mona Lisa", resonated in my mind. I saw the painting before me then, but with an added dimension of reality. The Lady was rather ghostly but the landscape beyond her was alive. I imagined Leonardo working on the painting. I saw the canvas set up before the window. I looked out the window from Leonardo's eyes. The entire landscape had been painted first. The image of the Lady was to be superimposed over it. At times, her phantom image appeared in its place. Then I stood at the window, the opening, and looked out at the world beyond, fascinated by its mystery. It was then that I realized that her head in the painting obscured an enormous river. I was amazed that the river could be so vast and hidden. I studied this for a while and then lifted my gaze to see an enormous tower. At first I doubted my eyes. Cathedrals were dwarfed by it. Even the river, which flowed close around it, was only a tiny stream beside it. I then realized that it was the Tower of Babel. The construction was enormous. massive organic gothic openings, roads and winding pathways. It has not even begun to taper inwards and yet it already brushed the clouds. For a long time, it seemed, I studied it, wondering if I could draw it, if I could ever hope to capture its scale.

February

March




16 - Postcard from Cloudcroft, New Mexico

18 - Postcard From Abiquiu, New Mexico

19 - Thirty-one years old.

27 - Letter to my Mother. [From "Portrait of a Fool Notebook: 1992"] Referencing Birthday gifts: typewriter, good paper, coffee. "Curse of 1992" passed away.

April

20 - Letter to Nancy: Favorite table at Les Amis

May

27 - Write Bone Carver: First Meeting

June

1 - Dragon drawing from Sabrina

17 - Letter to Andrew. ["Portrait of a Fool"] Referencing bones and fishing.

22 - Postcard from Sabrina.

24 - Letter to Debbie LInsalata. [Portrait of a Fool] Referencing a new home. Pilar and I looking for a place to live. Selling bound books at Europa.

- Write Bone Carver: Cutting Away

- Write Bone Carver: The Big One

July

15 - Write Bone Carver: The Bone Worms

August

31 - Letter from Sabrina.

September

1 - See Notes From a Cocktail Napkin in "A Book of Notes: 1993"

20 - Last drawing from Sabrina.

October

November

2 - Letter to Shelton. At Les Amis. Complaints of a sort of writer's block. Shape of prayer. Spiritual crisis. 10 - Wed - Austin - Les Amis -

24 - Wed - Austin - Java Heaven - Memories of the Bone Carver. To not have the Mill grind the words down to dust. Reading Kovalevsky's A Method of Prayer:

"The deserter leaves at the crucial moment; one who perseveres to the very end will be saved." - Mark 13:13

25 - Thu - Dallas - Thanksgiving - In my Grandparent's house. A roaring fire. The turkey cooking. Outside the first real winter storm has arrived. Working on "As an Old Man Lays Dying". Here seems the time and place to finish it. Perhaps the last Thanksgiving my family will ever spend together on this land. Jerry, my stepfather, is reading the paper, listening to the blues. Pilar and my sister are talking to Linda in the kitchen. My mother is back in the bathroom getting ready.

December

4 - Sat - The Room at Ridgehaven - Finished "Two Autumns" for Shelton. Recopying it into a chinese style book. My sister is being graduated today from Graduate School with a masters degree in deaf education.

7 - Completed the memoir of my Grandfather Callaway, "As an Old Man Lays Dying".

11 - Sat - Dallas

15 - Wed - Austin - Les Amis - Finished the Bone Carver series. At first I thought that it might need no epilogos but when I completed it, shifting perspective and mirroring the introduction, I was moe than satisfied. It closes the frame.

18 - Sat - Les Amis - Something distinctly European about Saturday afternoons at Les Amis.

23 - Dancing with the ghosts of my Grandparents. Watching the effects of possession. John Lee Hooker making that long snake moan. Boogie Chillun. Someone tells me to cut further down to the Bone.

25 - Xmas - Dallas -

- Re-engagement to Pilar Blaske

28 - Tue - Les Amis - A wonderful Christmas. Celebrations for the last remnants of this year and the foreboded elements of the next. I remember the house at Inwood, fully decorated, gifts piles under the tree, food everywhere, candies , cookies, drinks. Warmth. Family. Walking the dogs. The Land. Going to see "A Christmas Carol" on Chistmas Eve. A surrey ride later that night. And Christmas Day, opening all the presents, watching the others open all the presents. An enormous Christmas Dinner. Then, driving to East Texas. The incredible feel of the place that no people can diminish by their ignorance. Indeed, they are as much aa part of it as the possums and the coons. Reading a book of Hokusai's prints, going outside to see a nearly full moon rising in the evening sky over the pines. Jogging down an old road with moon high, stopping to listen to the water flow through a fallen pine branch.