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1994

January

1 - Sat - "A Pool in the Center of the Room"

3 - Mon - [Journal Year 31] Reference to Pilar and I getting stronger.

4 - Mon - When was the Inwood Land sold???

6 - Mon - Get the phone call while I am at work, at Europa, that I am a suspect in the Yogurt Shop Murders. The Officer tells me that I need to come down for questioning, tells me that someone reported me. When I ask who, he tells me that it was Kenny Mullen.

11 - Mon - The depressioon broke like a fever yesterday. With its departure returns a Zen-like state of humor. Salvation. Where there was a space in which I questioned my aesthetic sensibilities, now there is a solid sphere. I am more convinced than ever that I am on the right track. The power of language exceeds anything ever known to man.


Words, like seeds,

are nothing

without soil.

February

5 - Sat - Star Seeds next to Star's Inn. Discovery of a decent late night place to write. Has a good semi-mythic quality, curious clientele. And more coffee than I can drink.

8 - Tue - Dangerous listing. Writing: finish 33, "Song of a Bone", "Unseen Hand", type out B.C., Shelton's Book, Pilar Trip?, 10 Tarot Drawings - Canvas? Reading: Origin Sacred, Beethoven, Natu. Class., Jac Ata. Exerc.: Run 4xwk., - 190 -, iso's 3x4/wk., jump weight. Spirit: yoga & sunrise.

15 - Letter to Nancy: Begin with an apology

17 - Tue - On a card to Shelton:

At times I despair that the world is not a kinder place. I sit at my table and work upon the word and the language and hope that someone in the far distant future, in another world, might understand. It has been said that death makes angels of us all. And the sense of this to me is that yur awareness of death in life grants you vision into a life in death. If this world is an insane asylum or a prison, what does it say about those who achieve fame, fortune and power? Writing, for me, is religion. To die in a cave immersed in prayer is an image I most happily embrace. A cave: wooden table in city by a river. Prayer: writing out the words of god as I hear them. At times I despair, but in the end I am thankful that the world is as it is.

28 - Mon - LSD in Europa after hours. Spent a long time in the chair that sits by the mirrored column next to history and philosophy, paging through Salgado's Workers and a book of photographs of Indian Saddhus.

March

1 - Tue - Quack's Afternoon - On a note to Shelton:

Being bright amidst dark days, sitting here at Quack's not wanting to go to work.

Considering the relations between Salgado's Workers and the Indian Saddhus, between anonymity and religion, between obligation and duty. Working hard hard hard to not let the ritual become routine.

On the corner, god turns the crank that makes the music for the monkey to dance.

I walk by smiling, wanting to sing.

Trying to see through this world with its pettiness adn betrayal. Imagining a view upon the future that places me in the context of 500 to 1000 years. Imaging India: America in the future. The shipbuilders: architects of a dream: canal-makers: road-makers: women threshing fields of wheat amidst ancient song: giant creatures abandonded on the the beach.

Focusing on one image: a man washing a stone in a river, trying to read the writing there.

5 - Sat - Mojo's - Another new place. Excellent coffee. Strong visual aesthetic. I can see it replacing Les Amis in my rituals - if it doesn't become too crowded.

Letter to Nancy and Jerry: Rather write than talk...

6 - Sun - Mojo's - Excited about this next (unexpected) drawing series: "Let me tell you about the time I took four hits ot acid and saw god".

19 - Thirty-two years old.

April

6 - Wed - Discovering a friend, not a good friend, but as good as any, died. Probably from how it sounds and what I saw, from/by suicide.

[This was Kit, a guy that I played guitar with on the Drag. His brother, also a Dragworm, had just died from a long slow cancer of the throat. After a while he lost the ability to speak. Kit hung out with him at the hospital and helped him OD on pain medications. Kit did the same for himself.]

May

June

July

4 - In the back of Europa. Store closed. LSD, Hendrix, Heidegger & Shiner Bock - See " A Book of Notes: 1993" for info on "Prisoner's Tale" and "Miller's Tale" See also "The Blue Notebook: Bone Collector" for stories

August

September

- Separating again from Pilar.

- Move into Sam's on East 53rd. Out of the House of Throbbing Gristle. Also living with us is Amy Jo

October

- Lynn Bender returns to Europa. Bill Verner quits.

November

December

25 - Xmas - Shannon gets sick.