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July 4th

§ 4 July 1994 §

§ LSD, Hendrix, Heidegger & Shiner Bock §

[From the back of the Blue Notebook: Bone Collector]

1994 - July 4 - [Four hits of Acid. In the back of Europa on the Drag - in the old Yaring's stockroom. Cinderblock and wood shelves, a small desk and a cooler of beer. The Store is closed.]

In human understandings of evolution

The Individual vs. The Collective

Vertebrates - Ex-vertebrates

Interior Skeleton - Exoskeleton

Technology as a manifestation

of the group mind. "The Colony"

What is disconcerting     "The Hive"

about machines is These are

how insect-like they are    our terms

but they are getting

better at imitating

the flesh of lips

instead of shivering mandibles.


We must rebel against the change which

is happening on the infrastructure.

The profound changes = skeletal thoughts

And what seems hell "satanic" is that

which is adverserial to our intents.

I "war" with myself.

God vs. Satan.

But w/o this primal conflict

the will dissipates away

from the vortex

which is pure ecstasy

and bliss and all

of Being's being to experience.

My Demon Ness

This demonic state of mind

that takes so much to quench

the thirst of.

(Fighting my words in this spiraled


But... as good as any

Stories of the gods - what does this mean?

Hindu - Buddhist Judaic - Christian

Isalm - Sufi

* This Mind is Slipping *

My Demon - ness


Great Goddess



mm om mm om

And me... who am I

without you?

Ha. Ah Ha Ha.

I am in love with what

could only be called an

interiorized image of a

thing never fulfilled

by a thing over-abudant,

this continual infolding

of time + space into

this thing that has no

name but has

to be described here

onyl as a cortex,

a swirling mass of

impossible energy

and complexity,

using time itself,

like a fractal

of a fractal or

that black source

space in the center

that is a dragon

of better, called

a demon.

And I created her piece by piece.

And she now defies all 


And me.

This game of mirrors always

depending upon one being off-center.

(Listen though, both of you, to how the insects have

inflitrated your thinking, how they hunger to

eat any flesh you might form.)

Remember, this same thing

killed Dylan Thomas.

We only brand ourselves

tattoo, mark,


ourselves in memory

this, whatever the symbol is, it isn't.

it has already passed, past.

My only friend is Heidegger.

Idea: Story about how much of a 

hell it is to be

incarnated into a

particular human body.

July 4, 1994 33rd anniv.

of my conception

at Europa on Acid and Shiner Bock

listening to Jimi Hendrix's "Blues"

and reading Heidegger

Very Happy.

Poetry, Lang, Thought. pg. 191

I am still waiting for an apocalyptic

angel with a key to

this abyss.


"If I were as eloquent as

Demosthenes I would yet have

to do nothing more than repeat

a single word three times:

Reason is Language: LOGOS.

I gnaw at the marrow-bone

and will gnaw myself to death

over it. There still remains

a darkness, always, over

this depth for me; I am

still waiting for an

apocalyptic angel with a

key to this abyss."

- Hamann to Herder



This angel is the Bone Carver.

"What are poets for?" gives

me mental orgasms.

God, yes, I have sinned

I have drunk deep of

both men and women.

Idea: Heidegger on Acid.

We are now firmly

withing the

"World's Night."   93

*** The traces leading back

in are lost --- ***

Foosteps walking backwards

After trying, unsuccessfully to get on the roof of Europa, I managed to ride my bike down towards Town Lake. I stood with the crowds on the Congress St. bridge, the LSD coming on very strong in reaction to all the people. Just in front of me was a tree, tall enough to rise almost to the bridge. Suddenly the initial cannon went off. And the tree just exploded with birds, shocked from their roost. I gasped and started laughing. Seemed almost like the whole show to me. Then came fireworks. Almost overwhelming, tracers and LSD visual snakes everywhere. I had a great great time. Later on, wandered over to Lavaca. Then up to the Hole and back to Europa.