1 - Sat - South Padre Island - Sea Grape - Matamoros - Garcia's.

2 - Sun - Aquisman - Kelly's palapa - Tequila with Willie at Manolo's.

3 - Mon - Aquismon - 










13 - Postcard from El Tajin, Mexico





18 - Postcard from Isla de Mujeres, Mexico






24 - Postcard from Uxmal, Mexico

25 - Thu - Veracruz to Tuxpan.

26 - Wed - Tuxpan to Aquismon - Drinking with Willie

27 - Thu - Aquismon to South Padre - Sea Grape - Waking up to the bat. 8 hour bus to Matamoros. Cab to SPI. Lightning wind and rain. $100 and keys to the room. Drinks at the Irish Pub. "You got yourself a good daddy". Pizza Hut. 

28 - Fri - Walk up to Irish Pub. Talk to Kelly. Get car. Jennifer. Coffee at the Irish Pub. $40 more dollars. The usual awkard silences. Drive back to Austin. 127 miles to Kingsville with an empty gas tank. Read the first 30 pages of "War & Peace" to Jennifer. Into Austin at 7:00 pm, straight to the Hole in the Wall. Greetings all around. Sit a table iwth Rick & Shelly. Jennifer works for a couple of hours. Drinks 10 shots of tequila. Get a quarter of coke. Walk up to Showdown. Briefly see Michel, Eman and Keri. Walk up to Mojo's to say hey to Justin. Back to Hole. Check out McCoy's new band, the American People. Jennifer up on the tables. We leave by 1:00. Not enough cocaine. Too much beer. Briefly talk to Sam. Found out I'd given him a hot check. Jennifer signs her Showdown check to him (163.47) Pass out without unpacking.

29 - Sat - Up with the traveler's reflex at 8:30. Check mail and phone messages. Nothing really to justify concern. Start unpacking. Freezing cold outside. Straightening the room while Jennifer watches TV. Pilar calls and we talk for a while. Make the requsite calls to my parents. Lounge around and straigten up the room all morning and afternoon. Clean out a few boxes in the garage. Pull all the stuff out of our Y2K cache. Have some soup and crakers. Jennifer has to work at the Showdown at 6:00. She leaves early to grab coffee and stop by the Hole. I work on the chronology for a while. Check email. Work out for about 30 minutes - good stretches, listening to music. At ten, I ride the bike up the the Showdown to help Jennifer. Stop by Mojo's to see Justin. Down to the Hole but it was crowded and the band sucked. Ran into Allison. Helped Jennifer close up. Listening to Al Green on the jukebox. Stopped by HEB for a few groceries. Read magazines for a while and get to sleep by 3.

30 - Sun - Up naturally around 9. Good to be home in the bed, under the down comforter. Cold outside these days. Little heater going. Read "Gods, Graves & Scholars" on the Maya. Hunt around for other books. Jennifer wakes up and I make some coffee and bisciuts. We watch part of the "Big Combo". Jennifer goes to workout and then up to the Hole to see Deb - her last day - and hang out with the superbowl crowd. I write for a while. Listen to the game and watch only at the ads. Make some chicken and pasta. At the half, Jennifer calls and says she's too drunk to drive the car. I bike down. As soon as I'm in the door, win $50 from squares. Jennifer tells me she's working until 10 because Jeb's getting fired. I watch the last quarter, drink Dos XXs, talk to Deb and Shelly. The last part of the game is great. With the 50, buy a half from C. Catch him in the bathroom talking with L. about the game. Do a couple of lines with Jennifer in the office. Walk down to Mojo's, see Justin, do a couple of lines in the bathroom. Amanda shows up and she and I talk in back. Jeff disappears and Jennifer is covering for him with Waldo. When she gets off, we do a couple of more lines in the office. I stay for two more beers and head home around 11. (D. catches me at the door and asks for a bump. I head back in and he does three big keys, spilling most of it on the floor.) At the room, dump the rest of the bag on an "Unplug This" CD, use my Swiss Army Knife to cut up lines and an old Silver Note to snort - the only cash I have. Work on writing for a while. Play guitar. Jennifer calls at 12, says that Jeff can't even stand, that she's going to close the place down. Be home late. I do a few more lines. Get a big stack of porn videos and start watching, looking for the moment to obsess over, when the eye cannot be saturated. The coke keeps me from coming for a long time, going back and forth from one image to another, always waiting to be surprised by a scene only half remembered. I come in the usual cocaine manner, alot and for a long time - but without really going over the top. Finally, it's over. I write for a while, read, try to go to sleep. Toss and turn. Jennifer comes in at 4. I sleep deeply soon after. Good dreams.

31 - Mon - Up around 9:30. Phone ringing. Don't answer. Call to see if either Lee or Jeff is at the Hole for the mats. Lee answers, so I drive on down. Get there around 10. Everyone's fairly pissed becaause Jeff got wasted and fucked up the money, etc. Mats hadn't been done in a month. Get them back by 11. Back to the room. Jennifer is still asleep. Check messages. Call Dihanan back about Book Festival accounts. Load up the laundry and take it down. Read Entertainment Weekly while I wait. Get back to the room at 1:30. Make lunch: chicken and pasta, oil and garlic. Jennifer wakes. Makes a salad. We watch a good Hitchcock documentary, "Genius behind the Showman?", while we eat. Around 3 she drives me down to the TBF office to see what's hit the fan while i've been away. Greetings, get the file and get out. Back to the room. Work on the Bone Carver I, layout and prose forms for an hour or so. Using "Our Lady of Mott Haven" as a model. Then clean up the room, etc. Make some soup. Watch the Simpson's and surf around the cable. Watch a Nick Nolte Biography. Part of Slacker. Watch for Greg and Sam's old place. Jennifer leaves to go work-out and then go to work at the Showdown. I make some coffee. Talk to Sam, home from his new job at the liquor store - with three stolen bottles. Getting ready to take a couple of ephedrine and then work out.


1 - Tue - 

Sleep in until noon. Finally, a good night of sleep. Jennifer calls Amanda and is going to have lunch with her. I make Bookfestival calls to publishers and such. Play guitar. Amanda comes by to pick up Jennifer. I work for a while longer on printing a few more invoices. Drive out to UPS. Wait forever. Then they have to inspect every package because they are being audited. Finally get out. It's raining. Bad traffic on the way home. Jennifer is here when I get back. She had gone to Eastside Cafe. We make some soup and I have some of her leftovers - cornbread dressing, spinach and mushroom crepes, cornbread. Watch TV. She leaves for work at 5:30. I watch "The Red Violin" - which I enjoyed. The old storytelling device was delivered with a refreshing ambiguity. Eat some popcorn and chocolate almonds. Watch more TV. Jennifer calls a few times. Shower and shave. Finally rouse myself to go around 11:00 - but don't want to jog (I'd left the bike at the Showdown last night.) Called and cab and waited a while. Called back. Finally got down to the Showdown at 12. Had a couple of corned beef sandwiches with Jennifer. Some nachos. Talked to a drunken Jenn Daly for a while. Helped Jennifer close. Returned "Red Violin". Home and read "Gods, Graves" chapter on Champollion. 

2 - Wed - Up at 11. Make a few calls. Work on TBF invoices. Call and start new unemployment claim and reregister for work. Make smoothies for Jennifer and I. Jennifer drives me down to the office. We stop in and get a new registration sticker. Back at the room, make pasta and chicken. Watch "Bowfinger". Funny and clever satire of the lower Hollywood eschelons. Eat some popcorn and chocolate almonds. Jennifer goes to workout at Hyde Park before she works at the Showdown from 6 to 10. I work on Chronos Project - postcards from my mother and sister. At 9:30, I workout, jog for about 15 min. Jennifer comes home at 11:00. We watch TV? Go to sleep fairly early.??

3 - Thu - Wake up late, around 12. Talk to Dihana, who had called, about checks that need to be cut. Around 5:30 pm Jennifer goes to have a few drinks with Shelly and Nikki (Jennifer takes a piggy back down for Nikki.) at the Dog & Duck. She calls at 7:00, asks if I want to meet her at the Hole in the Wall for "one Norton's drink". I agree. Ride the bike down. Sit at a big table with Shelly, Nikki, Cyrus, Waldo, Jenn Daly, Flaco, Pam's boyfriend and a few rotating others. After a few beers, Jennifer asks if I want to go in on a half from C. I give her $20. She ends up working for a while behind the bar. I'm talkind to George Ragsdale about Mexico. Give Shelly the bag. She returns, gives me back the bag and asks if I will give Nikki a line before she has to go to work at Mango's. Nikki and I go to the bathroom, do a couple of lines. Jenn Daly invited me and Jennifer to dinner tomorrow night. We agree although I suspect that we will end up cancelling. Talk to her and Flaco for a while. The talk to Shelly. The Norton's take a break and half the table leaves to go out to the parking lot to smoke pot. Mike White comes in and Jennifer and I say hello, give him the burned leather Aztec Sun Calendar. After the Norton's finish and the next band is setting up, I head back to the back room and sit with Mike White, Marcos and Rick. End up talking about the elections, educations and a bit of literature. Get a half from ____. Jennifer comes back. She also got a quarter from ___. And there is a blur of time until it seems like it is about 1:30 am. After Jennifer watches the door for Dottie, we leave and I drive home. On the way, Jennifer wants to have a beer at the Showdown, so we stop in there. Jennifer borrows $10 from Gale. We leave Showdown and stop in at Nasty's. See Mike and Myra. Myra irritates Jennifer. Jennifer drinks my beer while I talk to Myra. We leave, stop by Mojo's, have coffee and make out a drunken qedding list. Head home. Sam isn't there. We stay up playing monopoly, drinking beer we had bought on New Year's, and doing lines of Coke. The dice roll against me and Jennifer cuts me slack so that I'll keep playing. Finally, I give up. Jennifer, all coked up, wants me to play one game of checkers. We open up a bottle of champagne. Drink and do the last of the drugs. We quit playing games around 8:00 am. Start trying to fuck but both are too wasted. I try to go to sleep but Jennifer gets upset about Myra and Nasty's. We argue. Jennifer pulls her comforter onto the floor and passes out around 9:30.

4 - Fri - Amanda and Greg came by at noon, tried to wake us up. Told them we were up until 9:30 am, that we'd call them later. Got Jennifer off of the floor and back into bed. Slept until 3:30 pm. Woke up hung over, almost too nauseous to even stand and pee. Head stopped up with post-cocaine stuffiness, my nerves shaky and my heart seeming to beat erratically. Jennifer and I aren't speaking to each other yet. She makes a bowl of soup but after a mouthful leaves it and returns to bed. I get up and make a bowl of Malt-O-Meal. Take a vitamin. Greg and Amanda call. I go up to the Corner Store and buy a couple of bananas for smoothies. Return and make Jennifer a smoothie. The same argument from the night before returns. We get into a mean argument about nothing, each of too stubborn and hung-over to stop. At one point, Jennifer throws a pint glass of water across the room, shattering glass everywhere. Then she throws the blender pitcher, plastic and banana smoothie everywhere. She starts to throw the piggy bank, but I stop here. Get the broom and clean up all the glass. She cries under the covers. Nothing seems to get better. I sit and wonder why I am so mad. Why I am so unwilling to go apologize. Every up of the drug the night before has now been balanced with a down. Just not worth it. Finally, Jennifer comes over to me and sits in my lap. We end up on the bed fucking for the first time in weeks. It feels so good I wonder why whe don't fuck every other hour of every day. She comes for a long time. I come about a gallon. After, I lay on the bed exhausted and free of every weight that had been laoded on my soul. We take a shower together. Shelly calls about going to see the American Legion Hall as a possible place for marriage and reception. We decide to go get pizza first at Cici's. Collect every penny we have. Even try to raid the piggy bank. Finally, with just enough, we head over. About one slice into it, I look around at all the sad overweight people surrounding us, and wish that we'd just gone to the store and bought something healthy. Jennifer goes over to Amanda's to hang out with Greg before he went back down to the ranch. I try to write or read but still feel like all my concentration is shot. End up just laying in bed watching 20 channels at once, wondering why I wasted and entire day. Jennifer comes back at 8:30. We lay around watching Miss USA sinking ever deeper into the hole. She had borrowed $19.00 from Amanda. We went down to HEB and got what we needed for sandwiches, came home, made sandwiches on the bed and watched "The Mummy" with Christopher Lee. Got tired of watching. Jennifer fell asleep. I read more of Champollion's adventures in "Gods, Graves & Scholars". To sleep at 2:00. 

5 - Sat - Up at 1:30 pm. Jennifer wakes up in a good mood. Makes coffee and turkey and cheese sandwiches with vegetable pasta soup. We watch "Fun in Acapulco" - an Elvis movie. Fairly amusing having just returned from Mexico. Just before the film, AMC showed a short about the "Flying Dancers" of Papantla. Strange coincedence. Got bored of the Elvis film about halfway through. Started to write and then got frustrated with the CD player which didn't work. Tried to fix it with no success. Jennifer left to go pick up a royalty check from Tower for "Unplug This". Cleaned up the room. Started to work on this. Start on drawing the "Sacrifice Victim from the Dresen Codex". Listening to TV Discovery Channel in the background. Jennifer comes back. We go to HEB and buy $15 worth of groceries. I make some green tea. Later, I take her to hear the Wannabes at Babe's at 11:00. Return to room, draw more. Jennifer comes back drunk around 2:45. Julie, who brought here home, is throwing up in the backyard. Julie leaves. Jennifer makes French Fries. I have some chips and hot sauce. We watch "American Pie". Mindlessly amusing. I am depressed and irritable towards Jennifer. Go to sleep at 5:00 after reading about Edward Thompson and the dredging of the Sacred Well at Chichen Itza.

6 - Sun - Up at 3:00 pm. A little under the weather, cough and stuffy nose. My body feels like the effects of gout are returning. Make coffee. Jennifer makes toast. We watch TV. Jennifer goes to work out at 5:00. I write. Then watch Simpson's at 5:30, Futurama at 6:00. Make some spaghetti with butter and garlic, eat some peanuts and pretzels. Call Lynn and tell him that I don't feel like going out with he and Trey. He tells me more about his conversation with the CEO of Bookpeople, about if I wanted to work there. I tell him that I can't see going back into the bookstore business. Watch King of the Hill and then the Simpson's at 7:00. Jennifer calls from the Showdown with Shelly, says she'll be out until 9:00 - trying to get some Vicodin for Lee Daniels before he leave on a trip. She comes back early. Then she and I decide to go up to the Hole in the Wall to meet Lee and get a couple of drinks. We only have a few dollars, but he should give Jennifer some money for the drugs. At the Hole, run into Jen Daly and her brother. Talk to them for a while. Turns out the dinner party we supposed to go to the other day ended up having about 40 people show up. The band comes on early because of the Free for All, so we head back to the back table. Jennifer is already there with Murphy. Talk for a while. Jenn and her brother are getting obnoxious. I'm about ready to leave. Finally, Lee shows up. We get a couple of more beers. Murphy orders a round of shots - even though he can barely keep his eyes open. Lee and I talk a little about Bunel and Mexican cinema. Jennifer and I leave around 11 pm. We stop by Hollywood Video and rent "Great Expectations" with Paltrow and "The Game" by David Fincher, who directed "The Fight Club" and "Seven". We watch "The Game", which is better than either of us expected even though it has Michael Douglas in it. Resonates with many of the elements of "The Fight Club" - questions of what is real and boundaries of acting. 

7 - Mon - Slept until 3:00 pm. Amanda came by to pick up Jennifer. Amanda and Jennifer went out, had a bottle of wine at Spiderhouse, then went to Dog & Duck. I stayed in to draw. Jennifer called me. We agreed to meet at the Hole in the Wall for a beer or two. I drove down there. DD Wallice was playing. Sat with Keith. Talked to Amanda about poetry and Moby Dick, the title of her mother's new book. (I thought "The Darker Ribbon" sounded too romance.) Jennifer got a little coke from ___. After the band played, we all went in back to play pool. I went to the bathroom to do the rest of the bag, just a couple of bumps. Played some pool with Amanda, Jennifer and a guy named Dan(?). We were out of money, but Jennifer kept scamming beers from one person or another. She also got a decent sized rock of coke, which we did some of in the Women's bathroom with Cindy. Played some more pool. I talked with Dan about the internet and such. He works for Jennifer and I did the rest of the coke. Amanda split. Jennifer got another rock of coke - all for free. We left and I drove home. We sat out on the back porch, drinking Lone Star and talking about the wedding. Jennifer was smoking Winston's. We did the rest of the coke. I was tired of sitting outside and came in. Jennifer stayed outside, smoking an old pack of Winston's and writing. Finally she came in. I was trying to go to sleep. We went through the typical drunk coked up argument discussion. I was feeling depressed. Ended up fucking until 7:00 in the morning.

8 - Tue - Woke up at 2:30. Rushed down to the American Legion Hall to see how it would do for our wedding and reception. Came back and laid around in bed, watching TV. Jennifer gives me head on the unmade bed. We watched the first part of "Great Expectations". Jennifer talked to her Mother and Father about he wedding. Her Mother and Tom said that they's be willing to contribute 3,000. Her father said that he's go half. Jennifer worked from 11 until 2 at the Hole in the Wall. I draw the Lord of the Dead, listen to a James Dean documentary, some of "Giant". After she got home, I went to HEB and bought stuff for cheese and tomato sandwiches, chips, salsa, some magaziens. Came home and we ate and watched the History Channel's "Year by Year: 1967". I read some out of the book about "The March of Time", the recent Rolling Stone and Entertainment Weekly. Got to sleep at 7:00 am.

9 - Wed - Woke up at 4:00 pm. Had a dream about Sam coming in to tell me the Pilar and Bishop had been murdered by Shannon. Sam wouldn't tell me until he made sure that Jennifer was here. Perhaps because I knew that this wasn't true, I woke up in a good mood. Strange coincedence: Pilar had left a message on call notes.

Made some coffee. Jennifer called Shelly and we went to Flightpath to have a couple of double lattes and talk to Shelly about the wedding. Returned to the room around 5:30. I make a cheese sandwich. Jennifer made some toast. Watched the end of "Great Expectations" - an interesting adaption that made me want to go back and read the original. Still don't care for Paltrow, something too Waspish about her. Caught the last part of the Simpson's - the Hawking episode. Jennifer goes to do laundry and work out. I work on the Mayan Series of drawings, contemplating using Mictlantecuhtli on the front of the wedding invitations. Jennifer returns with the laundry, upset by Michele's bitchiness at the Showdown - where she had stopped for a beer. We decide to go out and have a drink, work on the wedding invitation list. Borrow $20 from Sam in the form of a check. Go to the Hole to cash the check and have a Corona. From Hole to Showdown, where we make the list. Michele is of no consequence. Head back to the Hole, then decide to go to the Dog & Duck. Run into Shermakaye, talk to her a while about FringeWare, the wedding and the Yogurt Shop murders. Brent Grulke comes in. I end up talking to him about Richard Dorset, then books and book culture, Mexico and Spain. Jennifer, who hadn't eaten all day, was pretty drunk. We return to the room just before two. Make Quesadillas and sandwiches. Jennifer wants to cut my quesadilla in half. I don't want it cut in half - me not understanding that she wants to trade half of her sandwich with me. She gets upset. I get upset. We argue drunkenly for a while. I try to go to sleep. She cries and throws her engagement ring on the floor. I try to apologize but only sound mean and uncaring. She throws a platefull of food out the door, shattering it on the sidewalk. We argue more. Debate if we want to get married or not. End up reconciling, laughing, wrestling on the bed. This is around 5 in the morning. I lay there for a while thinking back to my days when I raised rats and mice at UTD: if the cage is too small, they will eat each other to survive. Perhaps it is time to move.

10 - Thu - Woke up a little hungover at 10:00 am. Decided to stay up and try to get my schedule back on track. Worked on the Mayan drawings. Tried to piece together the last few days for this chronology. Jennnifer woke up at 12. Feeling very broke. Jennifer stops and helps Amanda's roomate's Mother fix a flat. Jennifer goes over to Amanda's to shop and prepare dinner. I ride the bike over around 7:30. Shrimp enchiladas, rice and beans. Dinner at Amanda's. You just got too comfortable. "Scream 3".

11 - Fri - Call parents about wedding and coming up to Dallas. Go to Hole at 7:00 for Happy Hour, sit with Chip and Al. Talk to George. Buy a half. Go to Dog & Duck. Sit with Janet, Julie, Hunter. Drive Janet home. 

12 - Sat - Wake up hungover. Sick. Hating these patterns of emptiness. Watch "Teaching Mrs. Tingle" in the afternoon. Watch "Runaway Bride" at night. 

13 - Sun - Jennifer leaves at 5:30 to work out. Watch Simpson's, Futurama, Simpson's. Read Sleepwalkers. Out with Lynn at 8:30 until 11:30. Hole Jennifer, Rick and Shelly. Stop by HEB, buy ingredients for queso. Make queso, watch cable, read the paper. Start to watch "Thomas Crown" but too tired. Jennifer stays up for a while, smoking and writing. Go to sleep at 3:00. 

14 - Mon - Wake at 6:00 am. Read more of the "Watershed". Also reread the chapter "Harmony of the Worlds" is Sagan's Cosmos. And peruse God's Laughter. Reluctantly stop reading at 9:00 to get dressed and head down to the Hole in the Wall to clean the bar mats and the floor. Takes about 2 hours to clean the muck off that foul floor and even then it is still a stye. Much contemplation about how I am to earn my living. And there is something redemptive or cathartic in working at such a low task. Drive home and take a long hot shower. Jennifer is awake. We decide to go see "The Talented Mr. Ripley" at the Highland, which starts at 12:40. Jesus: $13.50 for popcorn, drinks and nachos. Both of us lose patience with the length of the film and the irresolution of the ending. There are some interesting issues concerning identity. And the evocation of a 1950s Italy is masterful. Returning to the room, I try to work on the most recent drawing from the Ball Game but Jennifer is feeling low and wants attention. I end up falling asleep until 8:00 pm, when Jennifer wakes me up with a Valentine dinner of chicken, black beans, rice, avocado, tomato, salsa, queso and tortillas. After dinner I wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen. Talk to mother about wedding and Dallas. We watch the remake of "The Thomas Crown Affair", find it interesting but damaged by creepy unerotic love scenes. It seems like some sort of middle aged woman's fantasy film. We drink a couple of glasses of good red wine, make a couple of chicken sandwiches and then watch, "Run, Lola, Run", a german film. Again interesting, but little more than a music video in long form. So much more could have been done with the narrative device. Go to sleep at 3:30 am. Windows open and stars in the sky.

15 - Tue - Wake up at 8:00 am. Read some more of the "Watershed" from Sleepwalkers, dealing with aspects of Kepler's dark later years. Dress and leave at 9:15 for the TBF office. Drive around looking for a place to park. Arrive at 9:30. No one there. Call from payphone and leave irritated message. Drive to Spiderhouse. Meet Clay Smith from the Chronicle. He interviews me for articles about Lynn Bender and David Hamrick. Finish at 10:15. Get a tenative agreement to submit book reviews to him. Drive to Kinko's, make a few color copies of the "Sacrifice Victim", b&w of "Lord of Death". Drive to Dreamer's, rent a few videos. Home around noon. Check messages and return a call from the Texas Workforce Commission regarding my unemployment claim and work for the TBF. Jennifer is still asleep. Sit on the back porch and eat queso and chips, read the Chronicle. After lunch, reassemble the Rapidograph pens. Jennifer goes over to Rick and Shelley's house on the Eastside to help paint for a couple of hours. She returns. I was taking a nap. She then went up to the Pawn Shop and bought me a $35 bike. She returns. Goes to get one of the wheels repaired. I am delighted she bought me a bike. But I'm irritable with her and apologize, saying I just need to get some more sleep. She takes off again.... to work out and possible meet me at the Hole around 10. I try to ride the newe bike up there but the chain keeps falling off, so I turn around for the other one. I ride up the the Hole in the Wall around 11. Listen to music for a while, Ted Roddy. Go in back and talk to Jennifer and Nikki. Collect $60 from Jeff for the floors. End up in the office with Mike White. End up getting half. Sat in the office getting wired with Mike, talking about the Mexican trip and the idea for an oral history of the Hole in the Wall. Came out around 2:00. Waited for Jennifer to finish helping. Sat in back with Lawrence and Trevor discussing various aspects of hell. At the room, we play checkers and pente and do the rest of the drugs. 

16 - Wed - Up at 10. Read Sleepwalkers, Gates of the Alamo.

Watch part III of a Scorcese documentary about american film. Call Pilar, talk briefly. Fall asleep at 9:30. Sleep restlessly, sweating, until 2:30. Jennifer makes a bowl of red beans and rice with corn tortillas. Watch some TV. Then read more of The Gates of the Alamo. Fall asleep around 3:30. 

17 - Thu - Wake up at 8. Read more of the Sleepwalkers, the Trial of Galileo, which is slow going for me. Little more of The Gates of the Alamo

. Some of the Act of Creation, the appendix on genius. Gather together some change for parking meters and coffee. Head down to TBF office, pick up all the invoice and talk little with Cyndi. Another beautiful blue sky day. Drive to Spiderhouse and drink a latte while catching up with Mexican Journal. Head back to the room at noon. Call Southwestern Bell about connecting Internet Service. Jennifer is still asleep. I make a big breakfast of fried eggs on top of corn torillas and red beans with bacon and french fried potatoes. Jennifer wakes up to eat with me. Afterwards, I clean up the kitchen.

Work on a letter to Shelton. The mail comes with an unemployment check for $430. We drive down to HEB to cash it, end up buying $95 worth of groceries. Back to the room: 4:30. Jennifer goes to work out. I print out letter to Shelton with some Mayan Drawings and write a letter to Pilar, also with Mayan drawings. Jennifer comes home, takes cameras to HEB to get film developed. Jennifer's mother calls. I make some strong Ruta Maya coffee.

Go for a short run, about 1 1/2 miles. Even though I am woefully out of shape, this brief bit of exercise clears out my mind. I resolve to keep building on this, to discipline myself to physical exercise at least every other day.

Return, shower. Jennifer is talking to her sister, Stephanie. Afterwards, we drive up to the Hole in the Wall. Norton's are going strong. Sit with the usual crowd: Nikki, Shelly, Trevor, Cyrus, Pam and her boyfriend. Talked with the last two about Mexico - they had just returned also. Also talk to Cyrus about work on buidling waterfalls. Shelly passed me some coke. Went to the bathroom and did two big lines. Later, Shelly and Jennifer and I walked down to the Showdown to see Rick. Sat with them for a while.

Jennifer and I went back to the Hole. Have a discussion out front about if we go back in for one beer, we are going to get a half. She just wants the beer. I want the half. We go in. I went into the office and talked with Mike while Jennifer covered shifts for Debbie and Jeff. Mike and did a substantial amount of drugs. Bought a half. Good conversation about the current and past state of the bar, making me again think that I needed to have a tape recorder. Finally, around 3 am, we got out of there. Stopped at Mojo's for some American Spirits for Jennifer. Once home, we sat out on the back porch and had the usual coaine fueled conversation, played checkers and pente, drank Tecates with lime. Came inside every so often to do another line. I couldn't win to save my life. Jennifer did the sweet trick where she hid a couple of lines. Played some more games. Did a little of Polar Bear Snuff. Finally came inside as the dawn was breaking. Messed around for a little while then just passed into a fevered sleep around 9 am.

18 - Fri - Restless hungover sleep. Dreams filled with intimations of mortality. Wake up at 11. Read Gates of the Alamo, some of Sleepwalkers. At 1:30 drive over to the American Legion Hall to pay the deposit ($150) to reserve the space for the 5th of May for our wedding. Drive home. Heat up a can of Cambell's chicken with broccoli and cheese soup for lunch. Sprinkle it liberally with Tabasco. Compliment it all with a half a loaf of La Madeline sourdough bread and some rich Boarshead cheddar cheese. Eat in front of the TV, watching CNN.

Read for a few more hours. Peruse through George Nelson's book on the Alamo, finding it just as elementary as before, and Maps of the Southwest, noting in particular Austin's Map of Texas.

The Nelson book however did get me thinking again about writing a short history of South Padre, as Nelson told me that he would sell hundreds in front of the Alamo to the tourists. Also the Oral History of the Hole in the Wall.

Jennifer wakes up at 3. Watch TV for a little while. The she goes to the Hoffbrau House for steaks with Rachel and Al. I read some more, watch the Simpson's. She returns home. Greg calls. Jennifer takes him down to the Hole in the Wall. I watch TV, more Simpson's, Saturday Night Live reruns. Jennifer comes back. Tells me about going by the Showdown and how Justin and Michelle were cold and rude to her. When confronted Michelle sid something about how the problem was unresolvable and that she didn't want to talk about it. Justin was just cool, asking where I was and then retreating to wash glasses. Still can't figure that one out. Fall asleep around 9:30. Very tired. 

19 - Sat - Up at 7 am. Cool morning. Read Gates of the Alamo while staying warm under the covers.

Harrigan's language has developed impressively, not as obtruse as McCarthy (while there seems to be influence), but conveying through antiquated terms (historical signifiers / naming the rose) a strong sense of history. It would be interesting to write an essay on the development of his vocabulary and grammar as traced through his three novels. While I have a tremendous admiration for Jacob's Well and Aransas, that latter in particular, Gates is definately a watershed for him. My reading of the book is propelled, at this point, by a hunger to see how he handles the climactic moment of the battles of the Alamo and San Jacinto.

Drive over to the Eastside to Juan in a Milllion for breakfast: migas with fajitas, potatoes and frijoles, salsa and fresh coffee. Read the current edition of the Chronicle. Return the now late vidoes to Dreamer's. Back in the room, try to call Mike White. No answer. Call Jerry and tell him that we will be in later. Get a hold of Mike at the Hole, says he wants to meet at noon. Weighing options, I say fine. Make a pot of Ruta Maya coffee, wash some dishes. Mike calls again and wants to meet even later. Again, I agree. Even though Jennifer and I are supposed to drive to Dallas for the day. Why do I have such a reluctance to see my mother and stepfather? And I don't believe that this is particular. More and more these days, I don't wish to see, meet, converse with anyone outside of the fragmented and distracted environment of a noisy bar - with, of course, the alcohol as social lubricant. 

I call Jerry and explain, not untruthfully, that I need to stay in town to work and that it would be better for us to come up to Dallas next weekend. He says that it will be no problem. I spend an hour or so working on this journal, trying to enrich it somewhat. Then I work on the several days abandonded "Sacrifice in the Ball Court" for the Mayan series. I make the backround black, which brings the complex image out in startling detail and covers up many of my errors. Around 2, I realize that I am losing concentration and making more mistakes, so I put the drawing aside. I go outside and clean up the broken plate from a week ago and the checkers and pente games, the limes and empty tecae cans; also clearing off a lot of the leaves to establish a place to work out. I come back in, the phone rings. I deal with some illiterate woman from the credit card company. Mike calls soon after and we agree to meet at the Hole at 3:30 - in about 30 minutes. Jennifer wakes up and I make a fresh pot of Ruta Maya for her. She warms up the leftovers that I had brought home from Juan in a Million. I eat a little cheese and heat up some of the sourdough bread to soften it. I also have a few frozen grapes before taking off.

At the Hole, I meet Jeff on the way in - just waking up. With the grumbling help of big Eric and some ex-con names Terry, we clear the back area for the new bar. The biggest labour is moving a big beer box in, which we do most of the way with a roller dolly. But at the stairs leading down to the back, we lift it up. I get one end entirely, straining my right arm somewhat. But we get it back there. Move around a few more things to create the idea of a bar. And leave it at that until later. I go up to the front bar and talk to Nikki, who had stopped in before she headed down to Mangos to work. Drink a Dos XXs. Mike eventually comes back around followed by Two Brains Bob, who is yammering on about something. As we all sit at the bar, Two Brains turns his attention on me, asking if I'm still going out with the same "chick". I tell him yeah and that we are even getting married. This launches him into a prolonged one sided discussion about how "broads" like Jennifer are "centered within their empowerment" and, while they may "fuck whoever hits hard on them" are still mostly "immune" to the advances of the "ordinary asshole". Gale, out of sympathy, buys me a shot of Beam. I get another Dos XXs. Bob goes on and on and on, with me not getting a work in edgewise. Finally, Mike calls me back to the office to work and I slowly disengage with him still talking to me.

In the office, Mike start out slowly, talking about Bob, doing a couple of bumps. Mike gives me the overall plan of cleaning the place up. We get started. Me: moving boxes and taking things out to his car or to the storeroom in back. Him: sitting in his chair, rolling around to look at the contents of various boxes, etc. Moved a lot of free posters, old gifts, promo t-shirts, party decorations to the back. And tried to organize the myriad of receipts and papers into labeled boxes. After working for a couple of hours, we decided to call it quits for the day. Sat and talked some more about the history of the place - specifically, the drawing that Todd used to make of the long time regulars for the place. Got another Dos XXs for me and a Cuba Libra for Mike, did few more bumps. Jennifer called and said that she wanted to go work out but need to car by 7:00. I told her that I'd try to make it. But Mike, naturally, carried on for a while. And on the way out, I ran into Greg and talked with him for a few minutes. Jeff also asked me to ask Jennifer if she wanted to work.

By the time I got home, it was 7:20. Jennifer was talking to Chaney on the phone. I was dead tired, surprisingly so because I really hadn't done that much work. I figured that my natural rythms must be off. I was also thirsty and drank down about 4 pints of water. Jennifer was restless and fiesty, but I was too tired to make her happy. She called and agreed to work, left at 9. I went straight to sleep, sleeping deep until she returned at 4:30. Said she made $120. I woke up for a little while to talk to her while she ate a small salad and some pasta. She was a little drunk and told me twice and amusing story of Greg and Trevor found sleeping in back and how she gave the waitress, Amelia, $20 to take them home and let them stay with her. But, she added, I told Amelia that if she or her roommate ended up geting fucked, they had to return the $20. I fell back to sleep as she was watching "El Mariachi".

20 - Sun - Woke up at 8 from very intense dreams. A sci-fi world. There was this underground criminal organization run by a super computer. I was part of a counter group, not necessarily the law. We had broken into the offices of the organization. But they had anticipated us and there was a trap. The entire building was gassed. The super computer was giving instructions to the members of the organizations on how to survive, telling them to hide and stand on their heads before the anchors arrived. The anchors filled all of us with terror and dread. I ran down, trying to make it to an exit, but ended up ducking into an office. I was laying on the ground in a fetal position, breathing hot into my hands. I thought the standing on the head intruct was another trick. I could hear the anchors approaching, shooting machine guns, screams of people as they were shot. Then I woke, realized that I was sleeping in the same position as I had been in in the dream. There was a bird outside that made a ratchety noise before it whistled, doing this over and over. This was what I had heard in the dream.

I remained in bed, repeating the mantra for a moment, centering, planning aspects of the day. Then I got up and dressed. Made a pot of Ruta Maya and started writing the Journal. It is now 9:35.

One of the goals that I am trying to accomplish is to balance the day, almost to a monastic degree. If I could write for 2 hours, read for 2 hours, draw for 2 hours, exercise for an hour, play guitar for an hour, that would be ideal. And it doesn't seem too difficult to set aside 8 free hours. Part of elaborating this journal is to reinforce the discipline of mindfulness.

A few objectives that I want to meet this week:

  • Physically: run at least 1 mile everyday, preferable alternating 1 and 2 mile runs. Workout every other day, starting today: stretch, dumbells. Moderate drink & drugs.
  • Intellectually:
    • Reading: Complete Gates of the Alamo, rest of Sleepwalkers, more of Real Presences. Start Act of Creation again. Reread Mindtools.
    • Drawing: Complete "Ball Court", start next in series.
    • Writing: Maintain Chronos Journal, start Mexican Journal, work on Bone Carver 5 & 6. Letters to Shelton, Pilar, Kelly, Mom & Jerry, Sheila & Tom. Wedding Invitations and vows.
    • Memory: return to the old memory book and re-memorize poems.
  • Spiritually: Start on reread of Foundations of Tibetan Mysticism and Inner Structure of the I-Ching.
  • Financially: Work with Rick & Shelly, try to get something going with Clay and the Chronicle, check with Cyrus again, work at the Hole (maybe door?), place ad to sell Cargo couch. Settle up with the bank. Work on report for Book Festival.

21 - Mon - 9:30. Down to Hole to do mats. Deal with Debbie in the morning. Do laundry. Run for 1.5 miles. Start to watch 13th Warrior. Greg calls, need ride to get glasses. I agree. Meet him and Al at the Hole. Go up to Lenscrafters in Highland Mall. Greg takes us to lunch at Papasito's. Stop by room, wake up Jennifer. All head down to the Hole. Watch Simpson's, couple of beers. Too full to drink. Jennifer and I go to see "Galaxyquest" at Tinseltown North. Back to room. I'm tired and go to sleep at 12. Jennifer is restless. Goes down to the Hole in her nightgown and robe. Drinks and does drugs down there until 4:30. Back here, she sits in the car smoking and listening to tapes until late.

22 - Tue - Over to Mike's, clean up his yard some, help with sorting files. Two Brains Bob shows up. We do some drugs. Drive to Hole for blank checks, TABC, Sam's up north, Office Depot. Left the car at the Hole. Jennifer picks it up to go workout while I'm helping Mike. Back to Hole, unload stuff. Have a beer. Talk to Mike in the office. Do some drugs. Talk to Shelly and Nikki. Shelly wants me to go with her up to the Showdown to meet Rick. she gives me a bag with about an 1/8th. At the Showdown, run into Andy and Michelle. I talk to her with drunken irony. Jennifer arrives about 8. We hang out there for a while, head back down to Hole. Decide to go to Rita's Bogey night. Drive over, more drinks, drugs for me. Talk to a bunch of old regulars, Keith, Todd, Cyrus. Big thunderstorm breaks while we are there. After it passes, we leave. Back to the Hole. Drinks and drugs. Talk with Gary Coffee and Greg. Get very drunk. But a 1/4. Make Jennifer take me home around 1:00. Pass out. Jennifer stays up drinking a bottle of wine and smoking ciggarettes on the back porch, draws a burned cork face on the concrete. 

23 - Wed - Shaking hungover awake at 11. Jennifer wakes a little with me, tells me that she's checking the messages in case Greg needs his money, that Mike left a message saying to come by around 12:30. Jennifer and I horse around on the bed for a while. She tells me that I woke up drunk. I decide to make some cornbread, adding a can of sweet corn and a cup of cheddar cheese to the mix. Lay down and doze while it's cooking. Have a couple of pieces of cornbread to settle my stomach. Couple of asprin. Procranstinate for a while and finally get over to Mike's at 1:30.

Call out and walk in. He's crashed out, snoring in his chair. I shake him some and call out his name. He wakes like an explosion. We chat for a few minutes about the night before, laughing that, for once, I was drunker that Jennifer. he tells me a funny story about Two Brains Bob video taping Cyrus and kickng him off of his land. I help him to wrap his legs, which don't look good. He'd left his car at the Hole in the Wall last night, so I drove. We head over to Office Depo for some file boxes. Then to the IRS to collect a bunch of forms (3 of every one) for him. Then down to the Hole. Jeff and Gary are in back repainting the ceiling, filling bar with fumes. Working on my hangover. Regardless, Mike offers to buy lunch. I sit with him and have a cheese burger and fries. Greg comes in and we talk. He gives me his number in Dallas. Then we head into the office and start straightening and sorting through the accumulation of the last 20 years. We take a couple of breaks to do some coke. At one point Jeff comes in to buy some for Gary. We talk about how bad the fumes must be for brain cells. Jeff just sort of looks at us stupidly. We laugh. Do more drugs. Jeff borrows the car to go get paint. Jennifer calls and reminds me that she need to be at the Showdown by 6. I tell her that I'll come pick her up. But then remember that Jeff has the car. Mike says that he'll pay for a cab and I let her know. At 6:30 Debbie come in, looks around and starts to rip into Mike. I leave, heading down to the Showdown to see Jennifer. Have a Diet Coke at the Showdown. Head back down to the Hole at 7. Mike is sitting with Cyrus and another regular. Mike buys me a beer. I listen to the band, which is good. But I'm tired of the place and leave, drive the car around to the Showdown, talk to Jennifer for a minute and come home.

As I walk in, Sam's watching the final moment of Robbie Knieval's motorcycle jump over a train. We lament the decline of Western Civilisation. Back in the room, I watch a little cable. Eat a couple of slices of cornbread. Try, unsuccessfully, to get online though Southwestern Bell. Call my parents. Talk a little about the wedding, agree to come up there on Saturday. Watch some more TV: Grammy's, news, David Letterman, play guitar. Drive down to the Showdown at 11:30. The place is busy. I help clear tables and do some dishes. Justin and Michelle, Teddy and the Mojo's crowd show up. I greet them like there is no problem. They go out back. After a while, I go sit with Justin, give he and Michelle the Zapatista Doll that Jennifer and I got for them in Mexico. Kill them with kindness. Catch up some with Justin, conversations with a tense subtext. Go back inside and pay attention to Jennifer, helping her cleaning dishes, clearing tables. We get out of there relatively early at 2:30. 

Once home, we eat some fajitas that Amanda had brought for Jennifer, channel surf, talk about the issues with Justin and Michelle. Crawl into bed and watch bad music videos until 3:30.

24 - Thu - Up at noon. Work some more on trying to get connected to Southwestern Bell Internet. Wait 20 minutes on the phone for a tech support that is no help. Decide to make some buttermilk cornbread. A pot of Ruta Maya coffee. Clean up the kitchen. Talk to Sam a bit about his new job at Twin Liquors. Come back in room at 2:20, work on chronology. 

Erica from Ingram calls to say that the Book Festival has a credit of 2800.00. I call Cyndi and leave a message. Jennifer wakes up at 3. Make another pot of coffee. She calls Shelly. I agree to work tomorrow at the house they are trying to close on. Jennifer is going to work for Rick 10 to 6 at the Showdown tomorrow. Talk to Jaqueline at the bookfest, letting her know what's going on with Ingram.

25 - Fri - Up at 9. Drive to Showdown. Help Jennifer open. Go next door to Kerbey to eat breakfast: migas. Get a migas taco for Jennifer. Home. Call Shelly. Tell her I'll be over in an hour or so. Watch porn with poppers. Jack-off for a long time, doing a lot of poppers. Almost insane when I finally cum. Drive over to the house on the East Side. Paint trim with Shelly and Nikki. Drink a few beers. Drive to Showdown to give Jennifer the car. She comes down to the Hole for a little while. End up staying until pretty late: 1:00. Drugs and more drinks. Mike comes in a pays me. We had got a half from Chip. Got another quarter from Mike. Drive home. Sit out on the back porch. Amanda shows up with her dog. Sam joins us in back for a while. Around 1:30, everyone leaves. We watch TV for a while. Then I pass out. Jennifer wakes me up around dawn, all freaked out. We end up fucking for a while in the blue light of morning. 

26 - Sat - Wake up at 1:00. Call parents and tell them we are going to be late. Cash the wedding dress check from Jennifer's mom at the Showdown. Eat lunch at New World Deli. Leave for Dallas at 2:00. Stop for at Cowboy's Bar-B-Que for sliced brisket sandwich and a sausage wrap on the way. Buy a bottle of sauce. Arrive at 5:30. Talk and catch up in the kitchen. Get Marco's Pizza at 7:30. Eat. Watch "Double Jeopardy". Eat a midnight ham sandwhich. Get to sleep around 3:00

27 - Sun - Wake up at 10. Stumble back to my mother's dressing room. Talk to her about the wedding, etc. Come up to the kitchen. Jennifer is awake. Sit and stand in the kitchen talking with Jerry about business and computers. They are going to buy me an iMac for my birthday. Walk the dogs around EDS. It's like dragging corpses. Leave to return to Austin around 5:00. Stop at Turkey Shop for good chicken fried steak. Arrive. Unload. Go to HEB. I go see "Pitch Black" - the most Burroughsian sci-fi film I've seen in a while. Drive home. Talk to Jennifer. Sleep.

28 - Mon - Wake up around noon. Good sleep. Strangely exhausted from the Dallas ordeal. Make some coffee. Call Cyndi and let her know that Thursday at Gilligan's at 12:30 is fine. Watch some TV. Made a couple of ham sandwiches. Jennifer wakes up. Calls the American Legion Hall about coming down and taking a look again. We go down there at 3:00. Look around. Decide that the place was bigger and better than we had thought. Drive over to Bookpeople. Realize that I had forgotten to do the mats at the Hole today. Look at wedding books while drinking coffee in the new LIttle City cafe. Buy a few magazines. Make it back home just before rush hour. Shelly calls and wants to get something to eat and have a drink. Jennifer agrees to meet her over at Fonda San Miguel's. I stay in the room. Watch TV. Read. Eat some ham and cheese. Watch pornos for a while while doing poppers. Good orgasm. Take a shower. Read for a while longer. Watch TV. More porn. Another orgasm. Lynn calls, says he's coming over to take me down to the Showdown. Jennifer calls about 9:00 to say that she's at the Hole. Won't be there much longer. Might wait for me. Lynn arrives. We go to the Showdown. Tell him how the interview with Clay went. Go to Showdown. Jordan comps us a couple of beers. Talk to Lynn. Run down to the Hole to see if Jennifer is still there. She's gone. Back to Showdown. Go with Lynn to Star Seeds. Get a cheeseburger and fries. He takes me home.

Get home and Amanda is there with Jennifer - who is fairly drunk. Amaanda leaves. This is around 12:00. Jennifer tells me about getting stopped by the cop for no tail light. Jennifer drinks more wine and gets more drunk. We spend the next few hours in a frustrating back and forth of indecision. Finally, I drive down to the Jack in the Box by HEB. We get chicken tenders, hamburger, chicken burger, fries and onion rings with cokes. Jennifer tips the guy at the window. Come home. Microwave the food. Argue. I eat too much and feel like I'm going to die. Jennifer takes care of me for a long time, soothing me and caressing me. 

29 - Tue - Wake up late. I dreamed that my jaw was broken. And at one point I heard Jennifer say something about having another drink and incorporated it into my dream. Startled me so much that I woke up. Listened to her ramble on right in sequence with my dream. Finally, truly awoke around 1:00 pm. Checked the messages. Four from Mike. Three of him snoring in some sort of noarcoleptic trance. Bizarre pain filled human sounds. I call him up, tell him I'll be over in a half hour or so. Jennifer woke up. I "spooned" with her - at her demand. Made her a pot of Ruta Maya. Told her that everything was OK. Left. Stopped in at Airport Auto Parts to pick up new tail light. Installed it. But it didn't fix the problem. Drove over to Mike's. Briefly met his sister in the driveway. Worked on sorting IRS forms and a few odd jobs. Mostly, just talked. About his legs and going to the doctor. About the Hole in the Wall. Marcus came over. Jumping and jittery. Dressed Mike's right leg. Looks bad, like a burn. We all did some coke. More coke. Mike was in that sort of mood. Did coke all day. Bump here, bump there. Mike was feeling the effects of a few Vicodin. Bought a quarter to leave at the house. Drove home.

Around 5:00 left to meet him at the Hole. Stopped by the house to pick up Jennifer- working at the Showdown tonight: 6-2. Bought a money order and dropped a payment for Geico in the mail for him. Dropped Jennifer off at Mojo's. Left the car at the Shoodown. Walked down to the Hole in the Wall. Sat with Gary Coffee and Christy waiting for Mike. When he comes, sit at the table with the others and Two Brains Bob and Mickey. Bob and I talk about jobs, his usual bullshit. Big job with ZZ Top Website, etc. When R.C. Banks started up, headed to the back of the room. Watch and listen to the music for a while. Keith bought tequila shots for everyone. Eventually, went to the back. Talked to Shelly and Nikki for a while. Up to the front, talked to Christy and Charlotte for a while.

Walked up to the Showdown to see Jennifer. Had a couple of beers. Called the office. Mike said to come on back. We were supposed to work. Walking down, I saw Rick, exchanged a few drunken words. I got there. Had to call Mike from the pay phone to get him to open the door. Gary Coffee was coming out. Mike said that he was too wasted to work. So we sat in the office talking about fishing and doing bumps of coke. Bought a quarter. Shelly had called saying that I needed to walk her down. She was no where to be found when I came out. Met here and Lisa walking back up to the Showdown. Both seemed pissed at me. Fuck 'em. Sat at the bar at the Showdown and had a great drunken conversation with Pete LaSalle, writer and UT prof. Went breifly up to Mojo's to do another line or two in the bathroom. Gave Jenn Daly the bag to do a bump. Helped Jennifer for a while and then told her to call me cab.

Cab came. Came home. 12:30. Watched porn, did the quarter that I had stashed here earlier. Felt the desire to write but didn't. Just watched porn and jacked-off with some poppers. Not even hard. Just massaging my limp cock and watching the ancient ritual. No orgasm. Called Jennifer at 2:00. Asked her to bring what she could. Went to take a shower.

Late at night: cocaine and red wine. 2:25 am. Jennifer comes home from the Showdown. Brings me about a half that Lisa gave her. Sweet and beautiful. I do a few lines and massage her feet, hands and back. Feeling wired and ready for... for nothing. Just the night.

And now I sit here with just a little more coke, ready to take on the world and the word. The last three days filled in with a cocaine and alcohol haze. Wanting to jack-off but not having any place to. 5:06 am. A little more coke left. What to do? What to do? 


1 - Wed - Go over to Mike's at 12:30. We are both hungover and tired. Help him organize IRS forms. Meet him up at the Hole. Eat some nachos. Talk to an irritable Brooks. We work in the office filing papers until 5:30, when Debbie comes by. Mike's out of drugs, so no one stays long. Agree to meet him tomorrow early to dump trash.

Stay in, watching TV, reading, thinking too much about it all. Drive to Showdown to help Jennifer close at 10:30. Walk over Trudy's for queso. Read current Rolling Stone about Santana. See Jim and Jamie. Exchange a few words. They buy me a margarita. Back to Showdown. Read, help wash and clear tables. Read magazines. Hunter and Susan come in wasted. We drive Hunter home, barely able to give us directions.

2 - Thu - Wake up at 6:45 am. Call Mike. Says it's too late, that we'll dump the trash this weekend. Wake at 11:30 for the Book Festival Lunch. Shower and shave. Drive down to Gilligans. Talk with Cyndi, Jaqueline and Mary Ellen until 2:00.

Call Mike and tell him that I'm busy today. Jennifer and I fuck for an hour. I make a pot of Ruta Maya.

Jennifer goes out with Shelly and Nikki at 6:00. I give her 100 for a half of coke.

I read, write, workout, jog. Start "Notes on Discipline".

Up to Hole at 11:30. Talk to Greg and George for a while. Too crowded. Lipstick Traces Hoot Night with the Rude Mechanicals. Jennifer is working. Comes back to give me a half. Have a couple of more beers. Talk to Jenn Daly. Tell Jennifer that I'm going up to the Showdown. Will wait one beer for her. She arrives late. We have another beer. Catch a cab. She wants another beer. Stop at Nasty's. Drink a beer until 2:00. Catch another cab home. Do some coke. Play checkers. Drinking red wine. More coke. Save a half. Wait until Jennifer is really hungry for it and then break it out. Drink and do drugs, play Monopoly until 6:00. 

3 - Fri - Up at 1:00. Messages from Greg wanting his $100 that Jennifer is holding for him. I jog down to the Showdown to get the car. Beautiful day. Burning off the slight booze and heavy coke hangover. Get the bike at the Showdown, load it into the car. Stop at Wheatsville. Buy some bread and crackers, goat cheese, chipolte cream cheese spread, two bottle of Goodflow juice. Jennifer and eat on the bed with all the windows open. Watching an old Monroe film on TMC.

Leave to sit outside somewhere and have a drink or coffee. Drop long overdo videos back to Hollywood. Drive around a little while in rush hour traffic. Go to Dog & Duck. Jennifer has a Bloody Mary. I have a Dos XXs. Order of nachos and a salad. Eat too much. Can't drink. Leave. Stop at Fresh Plus on the way home, buy Diet Cokes, ice cream and magazines. Stop at Corner Store for ice and a drink for Jennifer. 

Read magazines and watch Simpson's. Go over to Sharon's - where Greg stayed last night - to take him his money. Fill up the car and get beer on the way. Drink a couple of Bud Lights at Sharon's. On the way home, stop in at I Love Video on Airport, rent "A Civil Action", "Summer of Sam" and "Father of the Bride II". Home. Watch Simpson's at 9:00. Seinfeld. Part of Late Night. Order some pizzas from Pizza Hut. Jennifer goes on a frustrated search for chicken fingers. Pizza arrives. Eat myself sick. Go to get ice cream at corner store. Get Bluebell Vanilla and Butter Pecan. Eat the Vanilla with chocolate syrup. More TV. Watch "A Civil Action" - a fair film with a disappointing ending. Read Gates of the Alamo until 6:00.

4 - Sat - Up at 2:30. Call Mike. Agree to head over for a few hours. Try to make espresso for Jennifer and I but it doesn't come out well. Jennifer eats some cantelope. I eat some leftover pizza in the car. Get over to Mike's at 3:15. Help to sort out his office/room. Talk. Eat a chicken salad sandich. Watch cable with him. His legs start hurting him worse, so he doesn't want to work anymore. Agree to work tomorrow with him to dump the trailer and get wood for the back stage and bar. Get back to the room at 6:00. Call Jennifer at the Showdown. Straighten room. Eat the rest of the pizza. Pint of Bluebell Butter Pecan. Channel surf cable. Watching "Lost in Space" for a while. Talk to Jennifer a few times. Lawrence calls around 8:30 and wants a space to "hang with some chick" for about twenty minutes. I agree and give him the address - as long as it's just for 20 minutes. Start working on the Mexican Budget page. then switch to the current chronology. Mike left a message. I return his call. Wants to meet at 10 instead of 9 tomorrow. Fine. It's now 10:10. No sign of Lawrence. 

Write and read for a while. Jennifer calls. I drive down to the Showdown at 11:30. Fairly crowded. Really don't feel like drinking or talking to anyone. Get a pint of Dos XXs and sit with Al, Britt, Peter and Alex. They are mostly drunk so the conversation is idiotic. Tim and James arrive, sit with us. I use helping Jennifer as an excuse to leave the table. Work for a while. Borrow $20 from Jennifer. Walk down to Mojo's and get a double latte. Arrange to have lunch with Justin on Monday at 1:00.

Back to the Showdown. Myra shows up with a group of girls. But there are no problems. Help clear tables and clean dishes. Talk with Britt and Alex. Bored, I walk down to the Hole in the Wall for a shot and a beer. Sit in back on a pool table with Jeff. Talking of nothing. Do another shot with him. Talk to Ken Leick and Lawrence, who just smiles. Back to the Showdown. Help close. Make a pastrami on rye sandwich to take home. Jennifer made $240. Stop by HEB on the way, buy $45 of groceries. Home. Read an Entertainment Weekly. Eat too much again. Try to go to sleep in order to get up early, but end up laughing and playing with Jennifer until 5:00.

5 - Sun - Wake up at 9:45 from deep and luxuriantly involved dreams. Procrastinate before realizing that it doesn't make any sense. Drive over to Mike's. Of course, he's still asleep. Sit around for an hour while he wakes up. do a bump after he gives his sister some. "For paying his bills," she says. Load up his trailer some more. Drive down to the City Dump. Mike sleeping the entire way in narcoleptic fits. I don't mind the drive. Discover that the dump is closed. Sit by the side of the road while Mike calls his sister to get her to call a dump that might be open. We wait for her to call back. Mike instantly falls asleep. I sit there pondering how surreal my life currently is. Finally his sister calls back. No dumps open. We drive back to his place. Put the trailer up on a jack. Drive the truck to the Hole in the Wall. Have lunch. Then drive to Home Depot for the lumber for the back stage. It pretty much sums up the entire day in that the guy helping me load all the lumber into the truck only has one arm. Finally another guy shows back up. Drive slowly back to the Hole. Go pick up Jeff. Unload into the back. Jennifer has biked down and I tell her that I'll see her at the house in half an hour.

Drive the truck back to Mike's. He drives his car - that he was too wasted to drive home the other night. At the house, he wants to work on his boat. I tell him that I have to get home. He wants me to help him move his boat over. But first, we have to jack it up for the hitch on the truck. This takes forever. Finally, I reemphasize that I have to get going. Gary and Christie show up. Want some coke. We all do a bump in Mike's room. They leave. I get a half from Mike for $17. Get out of there. 

Come home. Jennifer is pissed that I am over an hour late. I apologize and try to explain. We smooth things over. Talk for a while. I play some guitar. She eats some microwave pizza and spaghetti. We watch the Simpson's. After, she takes off to have a drink at Amanda's. I break out one of the quarters and do a line. Call Monte and agree to meet him on Thursday night. Do some more coke. Catch up with this. Time: 8:10 pm.

Up at Hole in the Wall. Do lots of drugs. Get a half. Marcus, Jennifer and I in the office. Cab home with Marcus. Back to our place. Sit out back talking and doing drugs. Play checkers and Monopoly. Go to sleep around 6:00. Jennifer up a little later. Goes to buy beer at the corner store. 

6 - Mon - Ask Jennifer what time her appointment at Planned Parenthood is. She's asleep and tells me 5:15.

Ride bike to meet Justin at 1:00 at Mojo's. We go to Trudy's for lunch. I have a burger. Talk about modern life in America. A good conversation with no subtext. Stay away from the personal. After, I go down to the Hole to do the mats. Get Brooks and Lee to move thier cars so that I can get the car out. Do the mats. Collect $50 from Brooks. Head home. Wake Jennifer. Discover that her appointment was actually at 3:15. We go to see "Wonder Boys" at Highland at 5:30. Pretty good. Reminded me of "American Beauty" in the ordinariness of its focus. Before the movie, we stop at Burger Tex to get a burger for Jennifer. She sneaks it into the movie. I end up eating half - on top of pocorn and chocolate almonds.

Stay in tonight. Watching TV. 

7 - Tue - Mardi Gras. Mike calls all frantic about getting more lumber down to the Hole in the Wall. I finally show up at 1:30. Apologize. But want him to understand that I'm not on call and that he needs to depend more on himself. He apologizes for freaking out, says that Jeff, Debbie and Brooks have been on his case. Suggests doing some coke to set the day right again. We sit around a talk a while. Then drive his car over to Home Depot to get more 2X4X8s and some concrete screws. I get the run around trying to return the 2x8s. Mike's sleeping out in the car. We finally get out of there, drive it to the Hole. Unload. Jennifer works at Showdown 10 - 2

I ride up in the rain around 12:30. Get soaked. Read some of Koestler's "The Heel of Achilles" and "The God that Failed". Drink a fair number of beers. Help her close. We stop by I Love Video and rent "Anaconda" and "Father of the Bride II". We watch "Father of the Bride II".

8 - Wed - Ash Wednesday. Get over to Mike's at 12:30. He's in a good mood. Help him to straighten his office up some more.

After Hole in the Wall, stop in at Bill Miller's Barbeque for some lunch. Help Dave with the boat while Marcus dresses Mike's legs. We come inside, sit in Mike's room watching TV, doing drugs, talking about music and concerts. Dave kind of goes off on Marcus about getting surgery on his back. I get a quarter. Leave at 7:30. Drive carefully home.

Jennifer works at Showdown 6 - 2 - she rode the bike up there. I head up there at 11:30. Tom Beach is there. He and I drink beer and catch up. Lisa gives Jennifer a break. Jennifer, Tom and I walk down to the Hole to do a shot. Mike's in the office and tells Jennifer to send me in. He and I sit in there and talk until Jennifer calls to remind me that it's 1:30, that I should come down and "bring something" if I wanted. I get another quarter. She had already got one earlier. Walk down to the Showdown and talk to Lisa while helping Jennifer to close. Tom is also there and we all take turns going in the office and doing drugs. We call Fred to take us home. Sit out back and talk about Lisa and her personality and then about sex until near dawn.

9 - Thu - Wake up at 12:00. Get a ride from Sam down to Ruby's. Walk over to the Showdown and get the bike and car. Drive back home. Unload the bike for Jennifer. Head over to Mike's. I can tell that he's moving slow. I make myself a barbeque sandwich and read the entire paper while he works and falls into narcoleptic fits every minute or so. Feeling somewhat malevolent, I just let him work at this own pace, earning money as I read the paper. Shelly called and showed up a few minutes after. She had some accounting business. We all talked for a while. Shelly was very hyper and chatty. She left and Mike finally wrapped up his business. We drove in the Subaru down to the Hole, stopping along the way to buy two fire extinguishers for the back. Mike slept most of the way. Waking up a few times, asking me if I asked him some bizarre question or not. Arrived at the Hole in the Wall, had a burger. Talked to Jeff and Gary. Gary needed more wood for the back stage. Told him that I'd get it for him tomorrow around 1:00. I drove the car up to Showdown to park it. Called and left a message for Jennifer that the car was there. We took Mike's car. He drove, falling into sleep at every light. Stopped by a City of Austin office on Barton Springs to pick up a right of way permit for Todd's mural. Then up IH35 to the TWC and the IRS office. Mike fell asleep a few times while driving down the road at 65 mph. Finally I suggested that we stop and get a coke and candy bar. At the IRS office. I called Jennifer and told her that I wasn't going to do anymore today and was heading back to the Showdown. Mike drove me down there, dropped me off. I agreed to be at his place at 10 in the morning.

Called Jennifer and she said she was riding the bike down. Would pick us up something at New World Deli. While waiting for her, I read Clay Smith's Chronicle piece on Lynn. I was quoted several times. I thought I portrayed Lynn in a good light. A good pull quote. But who knows with him? I gave him a call, left a message. Jennifer showed up. She got a bottle of champagne. We sat out on the back porch, eating sandwiches, drinking and enjoying the beautiful day. Shelly showed up. They drank another bottle of champagne. I drank more beer. Eventually we walked down to the Hole. Sat a big table with Niki and Speedy, Cyrus and others. Jennnifer bought drinks for anyone that she knew that walked in the door. The Norton's were in good form. No cocaine anywhere - which was nice. Doug showed up. Mike said that he would be down there, but obivously decided to stay at home. Jennifer and I left around 10. Walked to the Showdown, had a beer. Called in a pizza at Pizza Hut delivery. Stopped at Wheatsville on the way home and bought some wine, cheese and salad.

As soon as we pulled in the drive, Jennifer threw up in the driveway. We then got into a drunken argument. Ate some pizza, fell asleep. We both woke up at 2:00 am. Jennifer jacked me off. We went down to HEB and bought water, diet coke and some magazines. Came home. Jennifer watched "Emma" while I read. We eventually fell asleep at 5:00.

10 - Fri - Wake up at 10:00. Consider going over to Mike's. But I'm tired and feeling under. Back to sleep. Wake up suddenly at 12:30. Dress quickly and head over to Mike's. Weird day. Electric atmosphere. When I get there, Mickey is there. I go in. Gary calls about the lumber for the back stage. Mike and Mickey are chatting up, so I offer to drive the truck over to Home Depot myself and deliver the wood. Mike's fine with this. He gives me a quick bump as I head out the door. So I drive his truck over. Get the lumber. Drive to the Hole in the Wall. Unlaod. Back over to Mike's. He's occupied with the payroll. So I hook up the trailer and drive out to the dump by myself. On the way, I stop by the room and say hello to Jennifer. Tell her I should be back in a couple of hours. Head out to the dump. Horrible traffic. Finally at dump. These places are always so surreal. Back to Mike's. More horrible traffic. At Mike's help Dave to back the trailer up beside the house. Then help him to back the boat up. Talk to Mike for a few minutes. He gives me a half for helping him out with everything. Drive home. Greg is at the house. Jennifer seems irritable. She's cleaned up the room and washed dishes. Greg headed down to the Hole and we go to have a couple of double lattes at Dolce Vita. The clouds above were formed into these beautiful billowing globes. Everyone was standing outside looking up. After the coffee, we dropped some videos off at Hollywood. Then drove over to Highland Mall to register at Foley's. We went through the hoops. Walked around for and hour or so scanning objects. left Foley's at 9:00. Went to HEB. Bought a bottle of wine to replace the one Jennifer drank of Sam's. Got a chicken and some tortillas for dinner. Came back to the room under skies full of lightning. Sat on the floor and ate while watching the last part of Seinfeld. Jennifer started working on her wedding planner. I did a line and started working on this. 

We go to the Pronto Mart for some beer. All around the neighborhood and all down Airport are cops with their lights on. I'm fairly coked up and glad that Jennifer is driving. When we get back, I work on this some more. Jennifer works on the guest list. Later, at 12, she tapes Iron Chef, a Japanese show on the Food Channel.

Feel a strange pressure in my temples. Wonder if I have some sort of an emminent brain hemmorage. Should probably stop doing all these drugs. "That's why they call it dope! Stupid!" Been having bad headaches after I cough. Something's got to give.

11 - Sat -

12 - Sun -

13 - Mon - 

14 - Tue -

15 - Wed - 

16 - Thu - 

17 - Fri - 

18 - Sat - 

19 - Sun - My 38th birthday. 







14 -Email to Shelton
26 - Wed -
27 - Thu -
28 - Fri - Cocktail Party at Opal Divine' s Freehouse, given by Shelly and Rick with Nikki. They prepared a wonderful dinner buffet. We arrive a little late. Cheeses and meats, breads, dips, new potatoes, crackers. Cash bar. About 50 people showed up. Keith and Charlotte gave us their presents. Mike and Gail gave us their's. Charles gave us a half. Talked to Lynn for a while. Eman and Carrie showed up, all they seemed to want to talk about was Justin and Michele. Spent some time with Artie in the bathroom. Mike in the corner of the food room. Ken Leick showed up late with a pile of waffles. Complaints of people throwing them off the balcony at cars. Later on, went to the Hole. The waffles had also come - and most of the people from the party.
29 - Sat -
30 - Sun -


1 - Mon -
2 - Tue -
3 - Wed -
4 - Thu -7:30 pm Rehersal Dinner at Castle Hill Cafe. Invited are: myself and Jennifer, Nancy and Jerry, Shannon, Pilar and Shannon (her husband), Sheila and Tom, Richard and JoAnn, Susan and Jay and Stephanie. Head to Nasty's later with Pilar, Shannon W., Tom, Shannon C.. Drink a lot. Head to Hole in the Wall. Drink. Drugs. Stay up all night with Jennifer doing coke and playing Monopoly on the porch.Playing for lines. In live. Go to sleep, our wedding night, around 7:00 am. Birds singing. 

5 - Fri - Wake up around 11:00 am. We are supposed to be at the Legion Hall. Hungover and strung out, we drive over. Shelly and the crew are there, Nikki, Rick, Deborah. We try to help but are just in the way. See her mom and sister. End up driving back home and crashing until about 4:00. Collect all of our things. Stop by florist. Get flowers. Have boquet made. On to the Hall. I leave with Jerry and go the the room to ger my suit, stop by Central Market for a tray. He takes me to the Austin Motel where we have a suite. I dress alone in the sweet. Haven't talked to Jennifer or told her what's going on. Parents come by to get me at 7:00. Leave the Austin Motel at 7:15. Get to the Hall at 7:30. Loads of friends and family there. Call everyone down to the front by the flagpole. Talk briefly to the Judge - told him to do whatever he wanted, just to put a lot of Marvin Gaye into it. Stand at my place. Wait for Jennifer to come down. She is beautiful, radiant. I am ecstatic to be marrying this woman. The ceremony is good. Only Jennifer and I could hear the Judge, but that was good... right. Afterwords, stood in the hallway as a reception line.
7:30 pm: Wedding Cememony at the American Legion Hall. Reception following. Jennifer and I leave around 12. Go to our suite at the Austin Motel.Our car has been shoe polished and is dragging cans. Jennifer's mom and sister, Stephanie, had fixed the place up with candles and rose petals on the bed. We stay there for a bit and then head over to the Hole in the Wall. Stay there until closing. Meet Andrew and John. Take them back to the Four Seasons. Order room service and raid the mini-bar. Jennifer and I go back to the room around 4:00. Take baths in the whirlpool and open a few gifts. Pass out on the bed. 

6 - Sat - Stephanie wakes us up at 10:00 with coffee and sweet rolls. We have to check out at 11:00. Pack up everything and go to sit out by the pool with her family. There is a band playing. We get salsa and chips from the Sun and the Moon. Talk and open the rest of the presents. My parents come by. Stay for a moment and then head back to Dallas. 

7 - Sun - Fly to Dallas. Arrive at 7:10 pm. My parents take us out to eat at the Fish House. Good Food.
8 - Mon - Catch a flight to Puerto Vallarta. Out at DFW at 1:30. No sign of Adventure Tours. The place is packed. Meet Skip and Buster(?), two swinging loser types that, thankfully, do not talk to us for long. Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders are flying down with us to do a calendar photo shoot. Leave Dallas at 4:30 on Champion Airlines. Arrive in Puerto Vallarta at 7:30. Cab to Paradise Village.
9 - Tue - Get moved into the suite. Into Puerto Vallarta. Dinner at someplace in the Marina - more timeshare. Catch a bus into PV. Walk around the beach and the boardwalk.
10 - Wed - Hang out by the pool. Disco at night with overpriced tequila.
11 - Thu - Eat at Andale's. Go to Mariachi Loco. Cab back to the Paradise Village, pass the Nazi at the gate..
12 - Fri - Get late check out at 12. Check out amidst the complaints. Walk up to the French Restaurant. Drink good Margarita's and eat some guaca - papaya- mole. Dead birds in the surf. Leave Puerto Vallarta at 7:10, arrive in Dallas at 10:15.
13 - Sat - Fly to Austin at 1:30. Shelly picks us up at 2:15.
14 - Sun - Work on online resume for ibooks and such.
15 - Mon - Texas Book Festival Meeting 5:30 at the Austin History Center. After, I bike over to Bookpeople, look at the Modern Library's new books on film. Then, over to Opal Divine's for a post-wedding party for Hunter and Jullie. Have a couple of beers, talk to Mo and Kirk, Britt and Emily, Mike and Gayle. Jennier shows up with a bunch of pesto deviled eggs that were meant for our wedding but didn't make it.
16 - Tue - Email to Shelton
17 - Wed - Jennifer leaves at 11:30 to gpo down to the Law Office for her new job. I get up at 12:00. Leave at 12:45 on my bike for an interview with iBooks at 2:00. Have to go out to 360 and 2222. Arrive sweating. Later, bike back to the room. Fall asleep reading Harry Potter and the Sorverer's Stone. Jennifer calls. I forgot that she was working at the Showdown until 10. Read more. Ride the bike up to Showdown at 10. Stop by to get some Ruby's BBQ. Eat out back. Help with the glasses. Eman and some friends come in. Talk to them. Have a beer. Keri comes in from County Line. Ronnie gives me a pizza. Jennifer and I go home. Stop at The Movie Store and rent "The Insider" and "The Straight Story". Read Permanent Midnight. Get to sleep around 5:00 am.
18 - Thu - Wake at 11:30 am. Jennifer heads off to work. I work on the computer, watch porn, download new version of Quicktime and some mp3s. Eat BBQ and queso. Work more online. Jennifer comes home at 8:00. Janet gave her $100 as a wedding present. She wants to go to the Hole to pay Charles and settle our tab. We get there areound 9:00. Mikki and Charles are there. I go get some cash from the ATM, Jennifer gets a half from Charles. Sit with Gary Coffee, listen to the Norton's. Feels good to be at the Hole. Been too long since we have been there. Do a line with Trevor in the women's bathroom. Charles' shit is too sticky, difficult to do without a good blade to cut it up. We manage. Sit with Mikki, talk to the regulars. Score a quarter from Mikki in the bathroom. The Norton's play "Sleepwalk" - Jennifer's and my wedding song that goes on forever. Around 10 we realize that we have to leave or stay until 2:00 am. We leave, Jennifer drives, worried about her jaw if she gets pulled over. We make it back. She got drunker on the way home. Shouldn't of let her drive. She has to get up early tomorrow for her new job. Keep telling her to take it easy. But she won't listen. Hang out in the room for a while. She sends email to Greg. Talks to her mom on the phone. Goes outside to write letters. It is now 1:30 and she's still going strong. I've got about an eigth left. Surfing the web, associating off the drug. Call Pilar back.
19 - Fri - Wake up late. Go to Tacqueria Chappala for breakfast with Rick & Shelly. After, Jennifer drops me off at Half Price Books. I buy Code of Kings, Writing Down the Bones and The Outermost Dream. Walk down to the Showdown to meet Rick at 1:45. Shelly drives us over to UT for the rehersal for the read-through of Rick's play, "The Rainbow Machine". An interesting play. I just had the simple job of reading the stage directions and making the phones ring. Back to Showdown at 5:30. A couple of beers with Rick, David (the director) and James. Jennifer picks me up outside. Stop by Wheatsville for cheese and crackers. Once at home, she has set out our new blue willow dishes and bought a lobster. We cook the lobster but it turns out too tough. But the pasta and salad is good. Clean up after dinner. Watch cable. Greg comes by around 3:00, then leaves. Read Permanent Midnight until about 5:00 am.
20 - Sat - Up at 10:30 and dress in my black suit. Greg comes by to get a ride. Tell him the truck is full. Rick and Shelly come by. Go down to the State Theater. The play begins at 1:00 and goes on until 2:30. 30 minute Q&A. Then to the Hole in the Wall with Shelly. Watch the Preakness. Then go to the interview with Valerie for the housesitting gig. It goes well. Figure that we've got it. Back home. Jennifer is in a foul mood. I go do laundry. Clean out the car. Put the clothes in the dryer. Shelly calls, says Rick wants to have a few drinks. Jennifer, reluctantly, takes me down there. Makes me walk up the Showdown while she has one drink at the Hole. Rick and I talk at the Showdown for a beer. Then head down the Hole. Jennifer and Shelly are still there. Jennifer is still in a bad mood. Rick and I go over to Mike Burns' house for a party. Shelly calls. Jennifer is still there and too drunk to driver her. Our clothes are still in the dryers. We leave. Get the clothes. I'm not happy about any of this. I also go to take the videos back the The Movie Store. Back at the house, Jennifer is doing her thing on the porch, writing and talking in longwinded repaeat mode. I go in the watch cable and read. Later on, a bigger argument after she wakes me up at 2:30. We end up OK and fucking. Finally get to real sleep around 5:00.
21 - Sun - Jennifer leavest early to go to the store and hang out with Amanda. Comes home around 1:30. We fuck for a little while. Then eat some sandwiches. Watch cable. Then go up to REI to use the gift certificate Tom gave us. Then to Target to spend our gift certificate there. Then to Amy's for some ice cream. And Mangia for a slice and salad. Then back to the room to watch the Simpson's - the "Behind the Laughter" episode. Call for unemployment check. Go to see Gladiator at Tinseltown North. The film's sound starts to screw up. We get two free tickets each.
22 - Mon - Email to Shelton
23 - Tue - Receive unemployment check. Cook steak and shrimp, potatoes, corn and bread. A great dinner. Talk to my parents for a long time and then Pilar for a while.
24 - Wed - Jennifer works at the law office from 11 to 6, then at the Showdown 6 to 10. I get up when she leaves. Watch "Rock the Cradle". Work on an Orson Welles Page for all day. Ride the bike to HEB, pay the phone bill. Drop some movies (Star Wars I and Outside Providence). Ride up to Showdown. Talk to Greg. Jennifer is irritable, her back hurts her. She has some coke. I do a little in the office. Talk to Britt and Emily for a while. Keri arrives around 11. Jennifer and I go down to the Hole to settle a tab, see if we can find any drugs. Mikki isn't there. But Chuck is. Jennifer gets a hlaf from him. I listen to Dang, not a bad band - sort of an offshoot from the Meat Purveyors. She gets some but needs to treat Don to a bump. They are in the bathroom for a while. I head on up to the Showdown while she does a shot. At the Showdown, talk to Eman and Keri. Keri and Jennifer go back down to the Hole for a shot. Drink a few beers. Lawrence comes in, asks for a hook-up. Jennifer had told him that we had some. I go out to the car and give him a bump, noting that there is less than a quarter in the bag. A little disappointed, I go back in.Jennifer and I leave. At home, around 12:30,, do the rest of the drugs. Play around online and listen to Ricky Brousard. I try to go to sleep and manage to fall into a light doze, then wake up. Jennifer is asleep. I play around online for an hour or so. A headache is coming on, so I try to go to bed. End up reading Isaac's Storm until about 7:00 am.
25 - Thu - Jennifer has an appointment with Marcus about her jaw and back at 11:30. She gets up and leaves then. Returns before she has to go to the law office at 1:30. She cooks up some steak and green beans. I wake up after she leaves and start to work online, primarily on extracting data from the old fringeware site and putting it into Chronos. She returns at 6:30. Takes me up to Holiday House for the 2 for $3.00 chopped beef. Come back and eat. She leaves for dinner at Julie's with Doreen and Janet. I work all night. Later she calls at 12:20 while I'm in the shower. I miss the call. Says she's going out to find out where I am drinking.
26 - Fri - Receive check from parents for $700. Deposit 500 at bank, take out 200. Go to Book Festival Office. I am depressed. We go to Manuel's for lunch. Home. Went to see "Mission Impossible II" at 3:30. After, hung out at the room. Then went to get a printer for me at CompUSA and some food at Whole Foods. Back home to eat. Talk to Sam about moving out. Drink some wine. Make some waffles. Read. Sleep.
27 - Sat - Wake up around 1:00 pm. Jennifer makes me coffee. Watch "Carefree" with Astaire and Rodges. Jennifer makes breakfast. At 4:00, she leaves for a massage with Pam. Work online. She returns around 6:00. We talk. Around 7:00 whe makes some dinner. Eat and watch TV. Work on the computer.
Jennifer worked at Showdown from 10 to 2. I go up with her. Incredible winds, some rain. But no storm really delivers. Walk down to the Hole. sit around with Al, Murphy, Trevor, Mike and Gail. Watch the door for Leo for a while. No one is there. Have a few beers. Talk to Brooks about the mats. Leave around 11. Meet L. on the street. He sells me a big rock of coke for $50, tells me his grandmother died. Back to the Showdown. It's all dead tonight. All the students are gone. Go in the office and do a couple of lines. Talk with Jennifer. Walk down to Mojo's, talk to Justin and Teresa,. Go to the bathroom, do a couple of more lines. Back to the Showdown. Justin comes down. Talk to him a while. Go down to the Hole for last call. Get a tequila and a beer for Jennifer. Come on home. Talk. Do more coke by myself.
28 - Sun - Write editorial for Independent Austin about the Wall next to Mojo's
29 - Mon -
30 - Tue -
31 - Wed -



5 - Marriage to Jennifer Milbauer


1 - Thu - On a weird schedule of

2 - Fri - Publish article on about iPublishing

3 - Sat -

4 - Sun -

5 - Mon -

6 - Tue-

7 - Wed -

8 - Thu - Send email to Shelton. Move over to Tim and Valerie's house, where we will be staying until August 15th. Rhett is upset but eventualluy warms up to us. Raining and thundering.

9 - Fri - A lot of rain. A tropical depression, up from the Bay of Campeche, has settled over Central Texas.

10- Sat - Take Rhett on a morning walk.More rain. Jennifer works at the Showdown from 10 to 2. Around 1:30 she calls and says that Greg bailed on her. I ride down to help her close.

11 - Sun - Take Rhett on a morning walk. Jennifer makes cappuccinos and toast.

Publish article on about NASA.

Work on Owen Chase. Argue with Jennifer because I am writing so much again. She goes to workout at Hyde Park and then play tennis with Amanda at Shipe Park. Have a dinner at the House with Amanda. Artichoke dip. Stewed cabbage with sausage. Jennifer get a call that her boss, Ronnie Earl Smith is having a birthday party. We drive around and don't find it. Go to the Hole in the Wall. Buy a weak quarter from Andy. Jennifer wants to go find the party. I want to go over to Eman's for Keri's Birthday Party. We split up.

I start biking over there but my clothes are too hot. Go over to the House. Change. Do all of the coke - about two lines. Ride over to Eman's. Hang out there, drinking beer and talking to Eman and Jeff until Jennifer shows up. Give Keri the boon box that Mysti gave us. We leave the party and go back to the Hole for "one drink". Stay for a couple. Stop in at the Showdown. Have a couple of more beers. I talk to Justin about what anyone can do about evil in the world. Jennifer plays pool with some guys.

12 - Mon - Email to Lynn about the housesitting gig and projects. 

Subject: Re: boney

Date: Mon, 12 Jun 2000 14:36:03 -0500

From: Scot Casey

To: lynn bender

We're over almost behind Upper Crust Bakery on Rosedale. Not a bad neighborhood. This house is some version of a Yuppie wet dream. Robert Fulgam, M. Scott Peck and assorted how to commumicate with your mate books litter the shelves. Stacks of Reader's Digest and Guideposts in the can. Soundtracks from various feel good movies on the 8 disc changer. But it's not too bad. Getting a hell of a lot of work done now that I can get in another room besides the one Jennifer is in. I've got some big personal projects that I am determined to finish while I am here. You know: the novel about the Monastery, the three-act play of Moby Dick, the epic poem about bones and fishing.

Also, looks like a got a sure thing to get a part time job at Half-Price up on Research. I'll let you know how it goes.

Should be up at the Showdown Tuesday night around 9:00. Jennifer works 6 to 10. The phone over here is 467-1602. But I check the old number often and email, so anything else is fine too.

Talk to you soon. ( I still need to learn something about site architecture, if you have time.)


lynn bender wrote:

> So where's your new place?

13 - Tue -

14 - Wed - Woke up at 12:30 when Jennifer left for work at the Law Office. Worked online for a while. Went down to the Book Festival Office around 3:00. Stayed there until 5:00. Up to the Hole. Talked to Brooks about doing the mats tomorrow. Talked to Mike about Don Henley. Went to Trudy's for some nachos. Back to the Showdown to wait for Jennifer to show up. Talked Greg and Al. Jennifer came and gave me the Half Price Books application. Rode the bike to the House. Called Mo at Half Price. Set up an interview for tomorrow. Headed back the the Showdown at 9:15. Lynn showed up. Talked for a while about eBooks. Then he left. Talked to Keri, Tom Beach and Greg. Went down to the Hole. Jennifer got me a hlaf from Andy. Talked for a while until the band started. Went to the back. Left around 11:30. To the House. Walked Rhett up at the school. Did coke and wrote wedding thank yous. Actually , Jennifer did. And they got crazier as she got drunker and more coked up.

15 - Thu -

16 - Fri -

17 - Sat -

18 - Sun -

19 - Mon -

20 - Tue - Start working at Half Price Books on Research 12 -8. 40 hours a week. Have to ride the bike about 5 miles to and from.

21 - Wed - HP: 2 -10

22 - Thu - HP: 10 - 6

23 - Fri - HP: 12 - 8

24 - Sat - HP: 2 - 10

25 - Sun - Email to Shelton about the everyday Work on templates for Figure out how to make imgtxts for Bone Carver.

26 - Mon - Email to Shelton about Ecclesiastes

27 - Tue -

28 - Wed -

29 - Thu -

30 - Fri -

4 - 

Subject: Re: Submission from B.Jones Date: Sun, 04 Jun 2000 12:26:28 +0100

From: Tom Merritt

To: References: 1

Hey Scot, Good to hear from you and congratulations to Jennifer. My sympathies to you. (Just joking of course, a hearty congrats all 'round).

I put your story up yesterday. It was great. I need more tech stuff, especially if I am to be based in San Francisco.

So what's new? Fringeware ever going to rear it's beautiful demented head again? I've wanted to use it as a resource so many times out here.

Nice site by the way. I'll be sure to put it up on my site of the week soon. I've had up there for months now.

All is well here. I moved into a nice studio apartment a month ago. This afternoon I'm having people over to watch the SuBBrilliant TV tapes.

Let me know if you and the wife ever come out San Francisco way. I'd love to see you. I'll most likely be visiting Austin around Labour Day. So, we should hook up then.

And tell Paco to drop me a line sometime. I know he comes out here more often doesn't he? I'd love to see him too.

Rub Justin's head for me, and give Jennifer a big sloppy kiss.

Cheers, Tom


Subject: Re: there's this hour or this one

Date: Sun, 25 Jun 2000 17:57:10 -0500

From: "B. Jones" <>

To: shelton walsmith <>

References: 1

Sweet sweet time. Feel like my balloon is full again - so to speak. And floating. 

No profits from the Booklist site. If you look at the very bottom of each page, there is a little disclaimer. The name Booklist is copyrighted and used by the

ALA. So for me to use it to make money would lead, potentially, to some problems. Lynn, from europa, got the name years ago - not knowing about the

ALA journal. He offered it to me as a site to fool around with, to create something that I could point to as an example of what I do. So, in that way, it could

bring in some moola someday. 

I think that the project is admirably ambitious. 1000 is lost in the mists to me. Steiner once wrote about imaging the number of hundreds of thousands of

people that had been tortured and killed by the Khmer Rouge, sometimes thousands a day in the Killing Fields. He said that he could get a fix on a few,

maybe two dozen, fifty, a hundred at the very most. After that, it all just became a statistic, a number removed of its human face. To imagine a thousand was

beyond him. 

What I mean by this horrible negative analogy is that I can imagine the creation of artifacts, each with their own face and identity only up to a hundred at

most. To set before yourself a thousand creations, authentic and labored artifacts, each to have its own laughing or crying face, is heroic and I applaud your


I am certain that it will lead me towards the curiosity of progress on a constant basis: where are you today? how many is that? And to discern the shaping of

grander themes that will emerge like newsprint photographs only after five or six hundred artifacts are viewed as one. 

I hope you don't go insane. Or insaner. 

The more practical side is also something beyond me. At some point I would wish that a benefactor might emerge to provide you with the money to buy the

building and such. Nevertheless, I hope that you carry it on to the end - whenever that might be - regardless. 

The Thousand Creations of Shelton Walsmith. A title for Suess or Poe. Perhaps, somewhere in between. 

Keep me posted. 

Yours until the end - 


shelton walsmith wrote: 

i do know....while i'm working outside of that i relish's all precious...i promised k when i quit kelton last year that weekends would be relaxxed

and spent together,,,she is wonderful and i love spending time cooking and working outside with her...when monday comes back around it feels like that

hour your talkin about is back...i roll in it...are you also profiting from the booklist thing?what are your thoughts about the project i am proposing?the letters etc? 

there's this hour or this one


Subject: Re: of artifacts,each,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,los numeros

Date: Mon, 26 Jun 2000 10:40:08 -0500

From: "B. Jones" <>

To: shelton walsmith <>

References: 1

Shelton - 

I think at a certain point - and this is soon to arrive more fleshed out in a letter - I looked up to see that I had created a woeful horde of words. Yet, still I

created. And the pile grew. Until I became haunted by it. Until I began to wonder and read Ecclesiastes over and over:

"9 The thing that has been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done; and there is no new thing under the sun.

10 Is there any thing whereof it may be said, See, this is new? it has been already of old time, which was before us.

11 There is no remembrance of former things; neither shall there be any remembrance of things that are to come with those that shall come after."

I don't mean to throw scripture at you. I just need to explain myself. Those italics are in the original and I still get hung upon them like Jesus. And the

Preacher's words infected my ear: It is all vexation of spirit. Vexation.

And so I "spend" a year or two mingling with the crowd that feels no such vexations. They don't care. The more beers that can wash away the posts of their

piers, the better. Or, for beer, substitute, money, drugs, sex, etcetera ad nauseum. In those misty moments when I might talk of creation, there was, is, and

always shall be, such enthusiasm. Yea! Let us build a kingdom in the clouds! But not right now. Raise another glass with me and we'll drink to our greatness

tomorrow. And all know that tomorrow never comes. But the night before always does. And those italics...

Every so often the printers of papers compile lists of time wasted at stoplights and wiping shit from holes and chewing food. And I know that most are

driven towards multi-tasking their every instant: the guy on the cell phone, eating, making those deals, while he is on the pot shitting, making notes to sell and

buy, etcetera ad nauseum. And the skull and bones fill all those holes in the ground.

For me, as hard as I might try otherwise, there is no choice. I don't stand at the stoplight remembering the article about how much of my life is wasted at

stoplights. Or on elevators. Or in waiting rooms. My mind is continually vexed by this thing I must create. In fact, during those moments of "waiting", I am

grateful for the lack of distraction. I don't ever have any place to go to be where I am always.

Recently, an acquaintance remarked upon the scene in the Jack Nicholson film, "As Good As It Gets", where he walks into the waiting room at some

doctor's office and asks everyone there: "Have you ever thought that this is as good as it gets?" I suppose that most people laugh because some part of them

worries that it is true: Life is just a cry (or a wait) and then you die. But my spirit is vexed by what I believe is new under the sun, by that which may be

vanity to some beings on a distant planet, but is blood and earth and everything worth living for to me.

Koestler talks of living "as if". And really, there is no choice. We all live our lives "as if" they had some meaning. Whether there is or not is a question left

to those who want to open up the MacGuffin and see the Scottish Tiger... to those who can't get watch the rest of the Hitchcock film because they don't

know the precise words that the man whispered the Jimmy Stewart in "The Man Who Knew Too Much". 

I create and keep my shoulder to the wheel believing in a presence that is real. And there is no number that can be put to it. In my mind, it would be like

putting a square to a circle. But there are numbers and they will always mount up.

The aspect about your project that fascinates me is that it demands involvement by others in what is, I assume, a constant daily process for you. By setting a

number, you open a window into the process for them to watch. There is something of a joke here: a pretension that all of a sudden you are going to start

doing more than you do anyway. I smile because it seems natural to me. And what I admire about it is that you demand such a large number to be seen as a

whole - as it should be.

After spending many hours rereading Ecclesiastes, of hearing nothing new under the sun, nothing new under the sun, nothing new under the sun, one day I

saw the big ole Bone Carver smile: Ecclesiastes, the Preacher, in what might have been the greatest episode of vanity yet performed in the history of the

Western World, he wrote it down. He created the word upon the page to stand in the stead of the thing,: the vexation... of his spirit. 

On the morning after the night of hard drinking to all of our dreams, I wake up to the dream and follow -

Yours -


shelton walsmith wrote: 

"in 27 years i've drunk 50,000 beers...they just wash agains't me like waves agains't the piers" 

silver jews 


a 70 year long life is only 25,550 many of those does one remember in full? Zippety

doodah probably.Numbers are not my strong suit....i just looked up a few weeks ago and saw that

these drawings were piling up....sometimes 10 a i looked through them alone or with a

friend i would rarely remove even one, having already painted over or torn up failures as they

happened....i also noted that whether thru email or in person people were across the board

responding to not just the work but the multiplicity....i thought i wonder how long i can keep this

up...a month?2months?a year?the series of drawings began as a response to this new

environment...the first one is walbest which is a crude lefthanded drawing of a tar stain on

the wall in our backyard...i wanted to engage the house itself in my process and not rely on the

idiom and symbols i had been resorting i did the door drawing and

wall drawing directly on the house in order to trust my crudest hand to make marks

worth leaving...and that was the point...the terrain i realized i was ultimately searching for...i want

to bypass so much of the fear that actually impedes my just walking up to the canvas,paper,wall etc

and go to often have you and i talked about shutting down the chatter...?...sustaining

the alpha wave,,,everyone keeps saying,'you are so prolific' and while i like the way that sounds i

always think 'you don't know what prolific is if you think this is it'...i'm just dancing by the

river...but i've yet to become the that's the way i've arrived at the waterfall...i'm

challenging myself and asking aggressively instead of passively for support...i m asking the studio

work to pay for the studio...I am like you when it comes to imagining the literal numbers....i have no

more than a 100 that dept i need only take it bird by bird...5 a day...but when it comes

to the people who buy them...that's a different story,,,,my mailing list includes realistically under a

100 who would even entertain such frivolity... 

still i am optomistic... i have about 2000 pledged...and I am blessed with a handful of collectors who

have pledged to buy multiples...Gary Hustwit (former incommuicado publisher recently sold his

startup to for 5 million and has since started collecting my work) Chuck

Kelton(my former boss) 

embraces and collects the riskiest of my tendencies, and friend /landlord/benfeactor Richard Giles

who is 12 years my senior encourages me always to scoff at realists and be entirely impractical( he

bought all of my best bagheaded paintings for 3000$ allowing me to quit Kelton last year).As I've

told you Richard was very torn when he bought his upstate farm; he had put so much of himself in

this place but he could'nt afford both...when k and i agreed to sublet he could have legimately

rationalized and asked us to pay several hundred dollars above his rent(as is the standard) but

instead we pay exactly what he pays750 a month. My absurd idea of making 150000 150 at a time

to buy this place had him rolling."ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that's a good one ha ha ha ha ho boy ha ha

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, oh, count me in i'l take several!!!! It is ridiculous! i might as well have

said i want to sell 150 at a $1000 but i want to shoulder the burden of proof...that's what it's

always about i want to spend alot of time doing alot of work....150$ is a friday night(not even a

weekend) for many of the new yorkers i'm to which i'm proposing... it may seem a complete

contradiction but i have to have faith....into the mystic i go... 


my scanner is still in the shop...i think i've sent you everything that i've got scanned...when it's

home again i will start sending these new talismen...and i hope you will give me your support in the

form of insight and criticism...without which between 1989 and the present i dare say i would only

have one eye open...the other might still be sound asleep and dreaming 




From: "B. Jones" <> 

To: shelton walsmith <> 

Subject: Re: there's this hour or this one 

Date: Sun, Jun 25, 2000, 3:57 PM 

of artifacts, each


1 - SAT -

2 - SUN -

3 - MON - Do the mats in the morning. Drink at the Hole. Run up a tab.

4 - TUE - Work all day on Bone Carver. Head down to Ramsey park to see Jennifer with the Hole in the Wall gang playing softball. Go by Hole to collect pay. Jeff used it to pay our tab.End up spending the evening at the house.

5 - WED -

6 - THU -

7 - FRI -

8 - SAT -

9 - SUN - Store wide Half-Price Books Party at the Carousel Lounge - free food and beer. Jennifer and I go by the Hole first to get lubricated. Show up around 10. Jennifer sings "Big Balls". End up back at the Hole. Gave a ride to Bircho and Becky.

10 - MON -

11 - TUE -

12 - WED - Drink at the Showdown with Mo and Kirke.

13 - THU -

14 - FRI -

15 - SAT -

16 - SUN - Letter to Shelton

17 - MON -

18 - TUE -

19 - WED -

20 - THU -

21 - FRI -

22 - SAT -

23 - SUN -

24 - MON -

25 - TUE -

26 - WED - Worked Half-Price from 2 to 10. Biked to Rosedale House then down to Showdown to meet Jennifer. Everything with Eddie Mac was smoothed over. Down to the Hole. Got a quarter from M. Back to Showdown. Talked to Dell about death and creativity. Headed home, stopped by the Draught House for a couple of pints. At the house, drank on the front porch swing and talked about parents. Fucked later on the sofa while watching porn.

27 - THU - Woke up early to let the damn dogs out. Back to bed. Finally fell back to sleep. Slept deeply with vivid dreams until 3:30 pm. Got up and took care of some Book Festival business. Emailed Clay at the Chronicle about coming by to get the book. Cleaned up the house. Read some email. Sent letter to Shelton about moving and jobs.

28 - FRI -

29 - SAT -

30 - SUN -

31 - MON - Helped Monte move.


1 - Tue - Woke up late in the afternoon. Jennifer made me a turkey sandwich for lunch. Jennifer went to play raquetball with Gail. After she came home, watched some TV, took the dogs on a walk. Greg showed up around 10:00 for Al's party - which Jennifer had cancelled. Greg and I went down to the Hole. Saw a good guitar player named Eric McFadden. Walked up to the Showdown. Brian Bowden and his wife were there. Sat and talked to them. Jennifer showed up around 1:00. Drank until 2:00. Stopped by Player's on the way home and got some cheeseburgers and fries. Greg was here when we got home. After eating, I went upstairs and crashed.

2 - Wed - Woke up early around 7:00 and finished reading Sterling' s Zeitgeist. Went downstairs to take the dogs out. Greg was passed out on the couch with the TV on. Checked email and phone messages. Back upstairs to read some more. Fell asleep for an hour. Woke up around 12 with Jennifer. Met Tom, from Planet Earth, who was picking up Valerie and Tim's mail. Jennifer discovered that Greg had spilled wine on the couch. She was late for work cleaning it up. I was also late for work. 2 to 10. Same old thing. Rode home. Took the dogs out. fed them. washed the dishes. Jennifer called from the Hole. Todd had had some sort of seizure while she was talking to him. They took him to the hospital. Cyndi Toth's band, the Weinstains are playing tonight later. Might go up then.

3 - Thu -


14 - Mon - Woke up around 2:00. Started moving all of the stuff from Valerie and Tim's back to our place. Very hot day. Finish at 6:00 - about the time that Valerie is due back in town. Ride the bike over to the room. Start straightening and clearing things out. Jennife comes home around 7:00. I'm irritable and tired. We move some more stuff around. Find out that the cable still works. Decided to go to Baby Acapulco's for drinks and hot sauce. Get kind of loopy at Baby Acapulco's. Back to the room. Call a cab to head down to the Hole. Order a couple of Chiparita's there. Llisten to Larry. Talk to Mike and Al. End up in the office talking to Mike, watching Willie on cable. Jennifer is playing a trivia game with Gayle and Trevor. Comes back in to the office every so often. I get a half from M. Jennifer get a heavy half from C. A bunch of Half-Price books people are in back and I more or less blow them off - see them every day anyway. Around 2:00, we call Fred and he takes Gayle, then Jennifer and me, then Mike home. I had picked up a twelve pack of Bud Light earlier. Jennifer and I sit out back and talk and drink, coming back in every so often to do a line or two. I finally go to sleep around six. Wake up after a whle and realize that Jennifer isn't around. Go out back and she' sleeping on a blanket on the grass. Wake her up and drag her inside. In and out of sleep for a few hours. Headache from all the drink and drugs.

15 - Tue - Sleep a beautiful sleep, full of dreams until five in the afternoon. We were supposed to look for a place to live today but fuck it all. Sleep is so good. We both wake up. Jennifer calls Valerie. All is OK. We ride to Baby Acapulco's again and drink margarita's and eat fajitas. End up at the bar playing the trivia game and drinking beer. Ride home. Relax for a while. Call a cab to the Hole. Sit with Mike and Keith, Mikki and Al. End up in the office with Mike. Buy a half from M. Meanwhile Jennifer had paged C.. Leave the office, sit in back for a while. C shows up. Jennifer gets a half from him. There is a girl at our table the is all over Jennifer, telling her how much she admires her. We head down to the Showdown. Play the trivia game, do lines in the office, and drink beer. Call Fred, back to the room, talk outside about where we want to live: Mexico or New York. Do the rest of the coke. I come in to do this. Have to work tomorrow from 2 to 10 - long bike ride.

Hard long day at work. Stop at Dan's on the way home, get a couple of burgers. Jennifer is here when I return. She'd called in sick earlier. Eat and watch TV. Non remote cable. Fall to sleep around 2:00. Deep deep dreams.

17 - Thu - Wake up at 11:00. Quick shower, ride to Half Price. 12 to 8. Ride home. Look at a few books I bought, 70 Greatest Conspiracies and Mountain Man. Talk to Jennifer, she's over at Doreen's babysitting Buster. Fall asleep. Dream of Jennifer reading my mail. Upset. Wake up upset. Ride to Showdown. Talk to Gayle about teaching. Walk down to the Hole in the Wall, it's packed. Sit in back, talk to Speedy and a drunk Nikki and Daniel. Mike catched me in the hallway. Get him a cuba and meet him in the office. See M. buy a quarter from him. Do it in the office with Mike. Debbie and Dottie come in around 12:45. I leave and ride home. Jennifer is in bed reading Harry Potter 4.


20 - Sun - Helped Jennifer close at the Showdown. Found 17.00. We rode home. Stayed up all night watching reruns of the Tom Green Show. It was hell waking up at 12:00 pm to ride to Half Price. The day went quickly though. Had lunch at the Sea Dragon. 3 eggrolls and some extra spicy fired rice. Rode home. Jennifer met me on the street. She looked beautiful. She had bought me some clothes. Hung around the room for a bit and then rode down to the Dog and Duck. A brief and argumentative stop at the Hole. Kevin Carney bought us a couple of pints of Foster's. Sat with Sweet Jimmy and a friend of his, Misha (?). Talked about travels and bookstores. Back to the Hole. Got a quarter from M. Talked to Mike and Lawrence in the office for a few minutes. Stopped by the Showdown. Jennifer made sandwiches. Drank a couple of pints of Dos XXs. Talked to Paul about a place. Rode back to the room. Went and got a Sunday paper for Jennifer. Drank a few beer and surfed the Net while doing some blow. Jennifer has to get up at 8:00 tomorrow. It is now 3:00 and she's still reading. I can, thankfully, sleep in.


1 -

[ ...]

24 - Sunday -

25 - Monday - Wake up late (11:00 am) , hungover. Load up truck and drive to Dallas. Miserable weather. Bad wreck on the Interstate. Arrive in Dallas around 4:00. Eat Xmas dinner with family. Open presents - which takes about 5 hours. Notable gifts inclide a new Mont Blanc pen, some books from my mother, an album of photographs from the wedding, fire irons, and a check for 500.00.

26 - Tuesday - Wake up late (11:30 am) in the guestroom of my parent's house. Help my mother with the roof repairman - there is a leak. It is raining and cold. Later, Jennifer and I drive my sister's car to the Galleria. Have a few drinks and lunch at Mi Cocina. Jennifer shops for make-up and I sleep in the car. Watch a video with the family later ("Where The Money Is"). Shannon went out with Guy Duvall. Go to sleep around 1:00 am.

27 - Wednesday - Drive to Fruitvale to see Jennifer's older sister, Susan, and her family. Stop in Waco on the way back. Stay at the Lone Star Motel near the circle. Call in sick to work for the next day.

28 - Thursday - Drive on in to Austin. Unload at our place then drive over to Shannon's to unload her furniture there. Then down to Ryder to turn in the truck. Get back home around 5:00 pm. Watch cable for a while. Jennifer puts up the gifts and straightens the place up. Help Jennnifer with a flyer for the Showdown New Year's celebration. Go to sleep around 7:00. Wake up at 11:00.. Bike down to the Showdown and the Hole in the Wall. Jennifer had just left with Tom - also picked up beer and some coke. Had a couple of drinks. Got a quarter from C. Rode home. Did drugs and drank. Tom came over. Talked about Asenath. Drugs and drink. Tried to go to sleep early (4:00 am) as I had to get up at 9:00 am.) Jennifer woke me later, wanted to watch porn. Bad scene. Finally got to restless sleep around 7:30 am.

29 - Friday - Up at 9:15 am. Missed first bus. Arrived 10 minutes late to work at Half-Price. A long tedious day. Jenninfer picked me up in Lisa's car at 6:30 pm. Drive to Sam's to get supplies for the Showdown New Year's Eve. She drops me off back home. Takes the car back to Lisa. Watch cable for a while. Go to sleep around 10:00 pm, determined to try and change something about my sad life.

30 - Saturday - Wake up at 6:30 am. Finally before work to actually breathe in a spiritual sense. Floss and brush teeth. Straighten bathroom and some of the closet, noting how lazy I have let myself become over the years. Make coffee. Walk to the corner store for cream but they aren't open yet. The breaking of the dawn. Back home, find some half and half in the fridge. Straighten the living room some. Read email and news for an hour or so. Then begin on writing this. First sign of life in a long long time.

31 - Sunday -